In the case of my xh, I think he abdicates responsiblity not just because of MLC, but because of the extreme passivity he has always displayed. So, things just happen to him, he does nothing to stop them, just goes along with things. Never his fault because never his "choice."
He just drifted into his first unhappy marriage, then he stayed in it due to passivity and admittedly, the responsibility for his children. We met after his first wife (God rest her soul) died aged 34. He certainly seemed to love me whole heartedly in the early years, but who knows? His two boys loved me though, and the life we had, and I'm proud of that.
The only time in his life he didn't just let things happen to him was just after he hit 40. Then he wanted out of all responsibility, including to his motherless boys. Thankfully, he didn't abdicate all responsibility to their welfare though.
I eventually left him, to save my own sanity, after OW1 dumped him and we had tried to reconcile. He was so conflicted and clearly still loved me so much, but could not fight off the urge to be free to find excitement. He found 0W2 and is still "dating" her, but not committed to her, almost 3 years on!
He has always kept in touch with me, can't quite let me go, says he would "hate to lose contact" with me, but alway "goes along with" the reductions in contact I suggest.
Still just letting life happen to him, just going with the flow. Still miserable - but none of it is his fault of course. I left him, after all.
He often says - in e mails, the only communication I allow these days - that he remembers so vividly all the good times we had, but has never done anything to retrieve them.
Passivity means never having to say you are sorry!
Jaybeex
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
