aww MK....I completely relate to the "there are FAR too many things that have to happen for this to work". And unfortunately I have a history with my H of this very same thing...and I can't have him uprooting my life every 5 yrs. or so.
I peeked at Piecing too and just left quickly. What a mess.
Have a good one and do something for yourself!
Hugs! ~G
Me (36) H (42) M (12) S-8 D-5 SS-18 D Day (PA) 12/02 S 10/03 R 1/03 S again 9/07 I choose Joy.
LOL! I thought if I peeked or snooped at the Piecing Forum it would give me insight into what it looks like when the WS actually walks back through the door. It is so funny how this Infidelity 101 education has shown me that my sitch is just classic, typical! Some of the themes I noticed from Piecing is the element of surprise. That the WS just will show up with no forwarning and quietly try to come back into the primary R.
MY DAD DID this over and over.
Another thing I noticed is the presence of the OP! Oh my goodness. Some WS come home but cannot get over their OP! Yikes. I cannot imagine but Michele warns of that addiction. So it is like taking back someone on heroine and we are just a methadone clinic, but they want to go out and get the real stuff and it will take evreyting in their power to not to want it. But they are already weak and so are we. hell. That would be hell.
I guess that is why we need to think about words like: patience, love, forgiveness, family, time, longevity.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I think my kids are doing OK. After that Oprah show, I did get concerned but Dr. Numan said something that resonated with me. Paraphrasing- He mentioned how we should never talk bad about our the other parent. The one exception is when they have done something very harmful, like have an affair, abandonememnt or abuse. Then it would be Ok to break that cardinal rule and refer to that spouse as not being well in their mind to make right decisions. Still, that really is not talking badly. He said it was OK to say that Mommy and Daddy have been making each other very sad, etc...
I was so relieved. My H told my D he moved to his Aunt's because we were arguing, but I thought even happily married couples need to argue. It is not an indication for divorce. I was glad to hear that from an expert but I cannot see my H actually agreeing to do anything for the kids right now. he just keeps lying and has actually said nothing to them. I sense they are being treated like second class citizens right now, but that could be me projecting my own life on them because of my Dad.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I guess I am in piecing really altho' I stay here as my 'gang' is here. Also I am not sure exactly when you finish piecing. My M is good again - I just have ups and downs in myself. I arrived on these boards after OP was gone and dusted. A year after. But I still couldn't stop thinking about her. That's why I came here. If you look at my first thread you'll see exactly why I arrived!!
Funnily enough I was just saying to lwb that my H and I were talking last night about S's who have A's and then can't stop contact with OP. MY H stopped contact in one go. It was all transparent. I could not have coped with any continued contact. She worked for him and so she had to go. I was pissed off at the payout she got and so was he!!!!!! Lawyers recommended not to quibble and we let the management team deal with it so H was not involved - yuck. The thought of her getting a pay off for what she engineered really makes me mad
I think that after you get back together you are having to continually work on things. To begin with I could never have thought anything positive came out of the A. I tried reading the book 'Just Good Friends' and it made me so mad I chucked it across the room. LOL
Now I have moved on a bit I can see that we ARE much stronger than before. That although I feel I lost a lot I have gained somethings as well. The more time goes by, the more I see the plus to it all.
I hope that makes you see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Do keep on keeping on. It really can be worth it. Also, to see my children so relaxed and loving both their parents is great. They obviously are secure.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Journaling: My BFF and her H came to visit me at the bar last night. It was so nice to be with someone my own age who is so beautiful and great and a real size woman. It is funny how we can still attract men at our age, men of every age. We laugh and are cool and smart and ourselves. I felt happy to be with her. She makes me feel prettier and Folks, I have been a frumpy size Large comfort nursingwear wearing SAHM for almost 6 years. I never went out because my H worked every Th, F, Sat, Sun. night. No wonder he had an affair with a bar tramp. He saw them more than me! No, Stella's Got Her Groove Back, (just trying to avoid any younger Jamacaiian down lows!) And I will not date. As much as I know that will prick up my H's ears, I just cannot do it. I wish I could though.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
There's a time for everything. If you get to need to date again then you will be ready when you need to be.
The thought of being with someone else really scared me. That's one of the things I couldn't get over with my H - although I love him and think he's good looking etc he could sure do with losing some weight. When I see him I am sure I see the man I fell in love with when he was 20. Young slim extremely attractive. Size 28" waist. Now I have managed to lose a lot of the weight I put on from child bearing. It took a while. Things might not be as taut as they could be but they aren't too fat. I wouldn't get undressed in front of a new man!!!! Jeeze - I would have to be out of my head on booze or something to get the courage up!! God knows how he did. LOL (the phrase 'jelly on a plate' came to mind when I though about my H and OW).
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
mk, you will date if and when you are ready. I'm so glad you were able to feel like the strong, pretty, fun woman that you are! your friend sounds awesome.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Just saw Emily Gilmore on her first date after her seperation. She had a perfect date with a wonderful man. She looked smokin' hot and flirted all night. She came home alone to her big, empty house and wept. Why do I have a feeling it will be like that for me?
It is as if dating for me is so different than having an affair for H. I would actually have to actively seek someone who does not repulse me while he just sleeps with someone he has already had an EA with. H just had to switch an EA to a PA after he felt like it was over or maybe even before we were seperated??? That is the definition of cheating, right? While I have a bunch of hoops: looks, wisdom, job, shoes, children, drinking, fidelity, Nickel****. What kind of guy can jump through all these hoops in time for my birthday or reunion? I guess I could ease up on the choice of shoes but I have to draw the line on Nickel****. I cannot date someone who listens to that band. Music elitist B am I.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
