new here and really worried

[sandi2]

Dear Good Guy,

I tried to find you b/c I've been concerned about you. Thamks for finding me and letting me know where you were. It broke my heart to hear that you have lost your job on top of all the other mess that has happen to you. As far as what your W said:

My wife said "Don't say that, the year isn't over yet".
What does that mean? Does she mean I'll find another job and everything will be fine? Does she mean that 2007 isn't over yet, it could get better, ie: Us getting back together?

Don't put anything into that. (In other words, don't get your hopes up that she is telling you that she wants to get back together with you right now.) She was just trying to make you feel better and was in shock over the news you had given her. She was grabbing for something to encourage you. You have brought up about how things happen, good or bad, by "years" and I think she was just trying to let you know that things can turn around for the good before this year is over and not to think the rest of 2007 is going to be "crappy" based on what all has happened so far.

In her defense, I think she handled it (according to what you posted) rather well and tried to respond to your news as a true friend. I think that is a very good sign, but sweetie, like I said....don't read anymore into that than what it is.

You are not wallowing in self-pity and you are taking steps in finding another job. I see you as a real man that will do what he knows he has to do and not let this get the best of him. You are talented and smart and you will find something that is right for you. Just stay charged up and positive...especially when you go for interviews....don't let them see anything but a strong self assured man that can do the job for them. That is a tall order knowing just a little bit of what has happened in your life lately, but I have no doubt you can do it. The reason I say that is b/c you are not a self-centered person. You care....no....you love your family and you will do whatever you have to do for them.

That leads me to the subject of your son. God, that breaks my heart b/c it does seem he is acting out his frustrations, hurt, anger......all of it. Right now, he is your top priority! Of course, you have to get a job too, but as far as your personal objectives......he's it! This could set him off in a wrong direction with the wrong crowd....all kinds of stuff that I know you have already thought about and it just makes you feel more guilty for me to bring this up. You know that is not why I say any of this. You need to spend every bit of available time you can get with your son. He needs you so much right now. He needs to be assured that he is not going to loose you in his life, regardless of what happens in the M. I would not discuss finances or your worries with him. I don't think you do, but sometimes parents tell kids too much thinking they are being "honest" with them and the thing is that most kids can't handle the "adult" problems. He may seem to be mature for his age....and he probably is, but he is still a child and must be given comfort and assurance that he will be taken care of and even if the house he knows as "home" is exchanged for another one.....it will be okay. Don't pretend to be too upbeat b/c he will see through that....but just don't act scared or worried around him. You are a good dad! You will do what you need to do for your son.

If you and your W can talk together about something to give him a feeling of security during this time.....that would be great. That is what he needs right now, IMO, a sence of security. It has been a bad year for him too. I don't mean to imply that he is given "false" hope that his family will get back together, but if you all could agree on some type of "family days" once in a while, for his sake....it sure would help his feelings. As long as you and the W can be nice to each other and come together as a team for him. You may want to talk to her and just see what she thinks. I'm sure she is concerned about his recent behavior changes at school. Nip it in the bud before it gets any further.....b/c it will very quickly.

You know I'm here for you. I don't know that I always have the best advice, but I sure will listen whenever you need to talk. Just don't give up, sweetie. I know you won't. Thanks for catching up with me to tell me what was going on. I have you on my watched list now. I thought I did before, but guess I messed up somehow. Anyway, I'll check in every day to see about you.

BTW, do you get to go see his games? Do you and W sit together or how do you handle that situation?

Take care.

Sandi