Need Help/ Suggestions - Part 2

[NoDirection]

As I spoke with her on the phone last night, she gave him the phone. Unfortunately I was driving through a parking structure and the phone died.

She did come home last night about 2AM because her friend had to meet with a client this morning. Had minimal conversation and I moved into another room to sleep. After what happened last weekend, I told I knew she did not want to be around me so I left...I am really tired of my emotions and feeling this way. I am trying to give it to God but something still brings me down.

[Handful of Rain]

NoDirection, I know that you are sad and upset and possibly angry, you just have to let those emotions happen, don't try so hard to fight them, and don't use them against the W, I know that it is hard, not to, but the best thing to do, right now is what you have been doing, just giving her her space, and take some yourself, as well, In time, it'll let both you cool down, so you can both deal with these things, in a rational manner.

Keep praying and giving it to God, Focus on Him, and He will help you when the bad emotions come! Then, just let them run their course, Keep posting here, rant, vent, cry, whatever, we are here for you. In the meantime, try to find faith based C'ing, that sounds like it will help you, immensely, I know that I wouldn't be where I am, now, if it weren't for my C, Take care.

[NoDirection]

I am gonig to talk to someone tomorrow at church about C'ing. I have tried numerous referrals with no success.

In all honesty. The only emotion I feel towards my wife right now is love. I want to love her and tell her I am sorry for everything I have done to get us to this point. Unfortunately the words are meaningless right now, she does not trust me.

I can only take action to help me get through this. Hopefully with me getting help I can show her how much I want her to be a part of my life.

At least I have my son, who has not left my side other than a nap since he has come home. I honestly feel that if we were to split I could handle it. It would be the time away from my S that would be the hardest thing...

I am praying every day, a few times a day for God to do his will. I can not understand, nor will I probably ever understand, why I am in this situation but I have faith that we will reconcile and it will be the best it has ever been...

[Handful of Rain]

NoDirection, I hope you can find a good Christian C, but another thing you have to realize is that you are not all to blame for the sitch, your W, has done her share too, so don't be so hard on yourself.

The reason I say this, is if your M is to work, you both have to change, you can change and I know that you will, but without her doing the same, it will never be the way you want it. But as you know you can't change her, only can show her through your actions, as you change, that change is good, but ultimately, that decision is hers.

Please don't misunderstand this, I know where you are coming from, at first, I blamed my W for everything, then I got on the pity train and blamed myself for it all. The truth is we were both at fault, we both made major mistakes, during the M and separation, the difference is that now, I have decided to do my best to stop making them, and change for me, she hasn't.

One thing I have learned is that you can't beat yourself up, over it, remember, you are a great person, with a to offer, a lot of love, faith and many other fine qualities, it is up to your W to see this, for herself.

Be the Strong man that God wants you to be, a strong man who recognizes his own shortcomings, and does what he can to make himself better, but also can see the world for what it is. If I am way off the mark on this one, then I apologize, but if not, then I hope what I have said makes some sense to you. Take care

[NoDirection]

It does make sense to me, I am only trying to concern myself with what I can control. I am wanting to change for me as well as my S. She can make the decisions on her own of whether or not to continue this M.

I have done a lot to get us into this sitch and she has done a lot to escalate the sitch, as well. As she left on to go to the river I told my son that I loved him. i mouthed the words to her as well as she returned them. There is still something there, on what level it is going to be only God knows. All I can do is make the changes in my life and move forward for me.

More and more, everyday, I am trying to put this in God's hands. Only he truly knows our plans and I am trying to be comfortable with that. In teh meantime, I want to make the changes necessary to be a good father, friend, and hopefully a husband. Your words have truth and the major reason I am staying in this is because I still love my W. I also want to be able to look my S in the eye if the question ever comes up on why we split and I want to be comfortable telling him that although I had a lot to do in the D, I also did everything I could to try and save it...But only God know if that day will come.

[NoDirection]

Just got home from church today. I was able to speak to a few people and am gonig to sit down and get some referrals. I hope I can get what I need from this to make me balanced again.

As for the W, completely different story. AS I left for church, she was angry that I woke her to watch our S. She did not want to go and our son has been sick so I guess she expected me to not go. I am really having a tough time not making her angry.

At least there is something in the works for getting some help for my problems. I am curious to see where this leads me...

[ItsKat]

ND,

Glad you are posting here. It sounds like you are getting yourself on a good path as far as figuring out what you can and can't control and focusing on you and what you can fix about yourself.

I know it is frustrating to have a spouse angry with you no matter what you do, but it sounds like you are learning to let it roll off your back.

I have a daughter about the same age as your S, and I know how trying that age can be too, even without this other mess going on with your spouse. Hang in there!

[NoDirection]

It seems to get even worse...I posted on my previous thread that I spoke with a co-worker about any referrals for a counselor that she might have. My W saw it, she comes on here from time to time, and was aggrevated again that I spoke to someone about our R.

I did however get in contact with a person at my church for C'ing and I am going to get involved with another group affiliated with the church to try and manage my anger...We will see where this leads us but the final outcome is far from certain.

[NoDirection]

I had a positive evening last night. I came home from work and my W and I planned to go buy some furniture for my office and get some paint as well. We decided not to do so because of numerous reasons.

We did however decide to go grab some dinner and a couple drinks. We had a great conversation and no real pressure. She even asked to go look at a few things at the mall nearby.

It is still really tough though, we are now sleeping in seperate rooms. I miss her everyday, she does not want to be touched or any forms of affection but how can she if she does not trust me.

She will not let herself get into a vulnerable position with me since I have lost her trust and why should I blame her. As much as I miss her I can only focus on myself. I am going to have my inital meeting with a pastor at church and hopefully he can give me some referrals. I am actually excited about going, I will have a chance to work on some things and get some impartial feedback.

I just pray that a new beginning with my W is in the works. I will survive without her but it would be better for all of us if it was together.

[NoDirection]

Had an interesting day yesterday. Finally was able to talk to someone at my church regarding my situation. Got a lot out on the table and off of my chest. Hopefully one of the referrals he gives will help me straighten me out. My W is another subject.

When I got home she asked how it went. I told her that he wanted to talk to her to get both sides of the story. She was again very adement about not going and talking to anyone. We talked about our future and where we were headed and all I got when asked about continuing the marriage is "I do not know".

What made me laugh though was the point she tried to make that there was "no guarantee" that she would want to come back to the R after I had been in counseling for a while. Deep down I am going to C'ing for our relationship but I want to get ahold of my emotions/anger for me and my son.

I am really getting to a point that I feel this is over. She keeps hanging around with the "I don't knows" and I am going to need some decision to move forward. I know that God will only give things that we can handle but this is really getting to me, I need some form of resolution and I do not see it coming any time soon...