Hi, not too bad. H is still being quite cool towards me. Although we did go out last night(he got plastered; drank two bottles of wine). He's like a coiled spring at the moment. I've stepped right back into LRT. I found things really hard last week. I think it was fear, because i had given him fuel to leave. I hate living in constant fear.. I went to the Doc's i've started some MED's. I haven't told him, he will just think i'm playing the victim. Last year when i lost two stone in 3 weeks, he said i did it on purpose. I know he didn't mean it(as the good book says) but it hurts all the same.
I know time is our friend when we're doing all this. Doing the best for the children and each other.. but how long... That's why i went to the doctors. Last year i was so down, i spent most afternoons in bed. It's not fair on my kids, they need their Mum.
It's strange although H is not here emotionally for me. He's still talks about the future. It's so confusing. He's making a lot of effort with the kids. I must remember to look at the small signs and not expect too much. It's all very well, but my heart is screaming out, saying i want you back now!!!!!!!
I'm getting better at controlling my emotions. That's one thing i've learnt through this experience so far.
H tried to start an argument this week-end, but i said that unless he had anything postive to say about our relationship, It's best not to talk about it. I was quite shocked, he actually agreed for once.
Sometimes i just think it's some sort of bad dream and i'll just wake up and it will all be fine..
I'm still feeling quite positive, but it's how long i can sustain it thats what worries me
