Still Monogomous, even more frustrated

[loonyqt]

OK - my last thread, Monogomous Nympho frustrated by sexy LD hubby locked but I haven't spent the time to figure that out until now... now, when my DH gets home at 2:45am from galavanting (likely drinking 4ish beers and playing foosball with buddies) and I need to vent without waking the kids pulling out suitcases like I did last week.

So, I think I am being only slightly more healthy just scanning his cell phone activity and getting my butt back on this board.

Anyway, things have gotten worse in the last few weeks. Instead of being my normal productive self, I've been in a funk. Dare I say depressed, how far into the clinical scale unknown.

I'm not one to take meds for anything, but am beginning to think there may be a magic(ish) pill to pop...

Let me temper this rant with a few good things - DH has been slightly more helpful with the kids. He's been making an effort to ringlead family activities. He is making an effort to be grateful for things I do.

However, alchohol is a pretty good truth serum (or satan's poison) and the weekends are colored by his incessent need to "get out and decompress" and then come back home mean. Mean, as in not having 1 drop of energy or desire to even cuddle let alone anything else. I am feeling waaaaaay insecure in the relationship and I HATE the late night stints and it would make me feel better if at least he could make a show of being happy to be in bed next to me. Instead, and this is today - he uses DS (4) who crawled in next to me when he was out as a nice center shield instead of moving him back to his bed and then giving me a hard time when I go to do it.

Sounds stupid, huh? I feel stupid. I feel ugly. I am sad.

I have ordered from the library (still on reserve) the 5 love languages book recommended. I have done a few different 180's (the suitcase thing was one of them, but even I will concede it was more drama (and less than healthy) than reality).

I feel blocked. Could use something and am hoping the smart people who did give some good advice and things to think about and work with will jump on this thread.

Going back to bed now, but will be back tomorrow.