When to move back in together?

[saffie]

I know I am a bit late in replying to this but what the heck.

Firstly Girl - yippee doodah yay!!!!! You done good!! You make those good strong memories and make sure you tell us about them. They do help. I keep on trying to do the same. It's a good attitude to have I think.

I too was bothered most about the idea that she was "chosen" over me, and the lengths my husband went to in order to be with her... which to me indicates enormous depth, emotion, passion... more so than with me.

Now root you and I can be scarely similar at times!!! So try thinking like this instead and see if it helps. The lengths your H went to to be with her were not 'to be with her' but diversionary tactics he was using to run away from the unhappiness he was feeling from not being close / happy with you - for whatever reason. What our H's did was run away - it happened that OW offered them a way to divert their attention but it wasn't so much about OW.

If they got so much of a better deal with OW they would still be there. Actually OW was not the full package in many ways. Duh - doesn't take Einstein to see this but we look at it from our hurting, injured 'rejcted' perspective on low days and forget that.

Now don't think I am going soft here and letting either of our H's off the hook here or the OWs'Our H's should have stood and communicated with us instead of 'dipping their wick' and OW - well don't start me, but she should have known better that knowing my H!!!

I can see that my H's A did have some positive effects. Sometimes I think he could have shouted at me about all the things that were wrong in our M until he was blue in the face and I wouldn't have listened. On these boards don't we tend to go on 'actions speak louder than words' - well I think my H's actions were like a prisoner's 'dirty' protest. Well OW ranks alongside what would have been on the prison walls!!!! I had stopped listening to him if I am honest, or we were no longer talking the same language anyway. I was running away as well and putting lots of effort into other things - I just happened not to choose another relationship with another person.

I can see it wasn't about OW and passion and effort put into OW - it was about making a statement about our M. They wouldn't be back otherwise.

Still want to do something to OW though - she was an enabler, ( actually very much a pursuer). She does deserve retribution - divine or otherwise. I am sure in time it will come. You can't go around causing harm like that at not having it come back at some point - I sincerely hope!!

It's a good think you aren't here in California because you and I could probably cook up some great (but legal!) OW revenge plots together. Yikes!!!!

I'm a booking my flight - sounds like a great vacation theme. Who needs fcuking Disney - we can have themed OW lala Land holidays!!! Lets start designing some rides. OOh I am going to think about this as I do my house work today.

Saffie