I really understand better now why snooping is bad, bad stuff, even a little bit. Too much information.
Still, I feel the occasional urge to talk to the OM's W to get more information on who this guy is -- I don't really know all that much about him apart from being a two-time home wrecker.
<journaling> Today s*cked. I could hardly concentrate on work given what I knew was happening this weekend. This evening, I picked up a pizza on the way over to get my S's for the weekend. I phoned W and told her all about my dinner plans so she wouldn't try to go ahead and fix the boys supper before I got there. I told her there would be enough pizza for me to leave a couple of slices for W and the MIL. (W thinks I am too selfish, but here is a generous gesture on my part.) When I got there MIL had just prepared a frozen pizza in the oven -- they had no plans to partake of my offering. < MIL = b!tch>
Later on around bedtime, I tried and tried to call W to tell our S's good night, but she never responded. We ended up leaving a long voicemail.
Then S6 had an emotional meltdown when we discovered W hadn't packed his favorite bedtime toy, a plush orca whale named Shima, with his belongings. That meant saddling up both S's in my car and driving six miles there and six miles back to get S6's toy and S2's stuffed toy. Just as we were heading out, W calls, finally. I told her we were on our way to get the much needed sources of bedtime comfort for our S's. It's about 8:40 PM and I apologized for doing this so late at night -- I know/assume she has to get up early in the morning to go to work.
W tells me she's sorry she's not there at the house, or else she would drive the items up herself. She says she's out having dinner, at TGI Fridays. I said, "Dinner? At this time of the night? You?" She made some reply about she gets hungry <oh, is that what we're calling it?>
I told her to shush, and quit lieing to me -- I am no fool. I gave the phone to S6 as I continued to drive down to the house. He's talking to his mother the whole time, and just before I pull into our cul de sac, S6 hands me back the phone. W tells me that she has already told her mother (the MIL) to expect me to arrive. WTH?!! I know W has two cell phones now (a personal one and one from her employer) but how could she have gotten a single word over to her M on a second phone when I was listening to S6 talk to her pretty much the whole time?
W started to say something more to me to try to defend her going out to dinner, but I curtly told her good-bye and hung up on her.
When I got inside my house I ran upstairs annoucing to MIL it was just me. MIL says she was warned that I was coming. I said, "Yeah, I won't be long. Too bad she couldn't be here herself to help with her son's needs. Thanks for covering for her adultery."
MIL got real p*ssy with me accusing her of being complicit with her D's A, that W was just out having dinner. I replied, "And I guess her little trip to the beach is innocent too, huh?" MIL said, "It's just for training, to continue her education." I snorted and said, "You know full well OM will be there." MIL accused me of having a bad attitude. I raised my hand to silence her, and turned away. As I was walking out the door, MIL shouted at me to make sure I lock the front door behind me, because I always forget. I stopped and said, "I do not. I have always made sure that at least the deadbolt is locked." She said that I certainly did forget, the last time was couple of weeks ago.
MIL and her D (my W) are too much alike -- petty, selfish and nitpicking.
The drive back was not good either. S6, bless his heart, having caught some of the exchange between W and myself, and then MIL and myself, tried to talk to me about what he could say to his mother to smooth things over. S6 is a lot like his mother in that he does not handle most relationship problems and conflicts well, and has this overriding desire to try to control or fix other people's behaviors. I have observed this neurotic trait in him while playing with his younger sibling -- he tries to manipulate S2 and tries to speak for him at times. This is how my W is and has been for much of her life, which has only brought her grief and many failed relationships in her life.
Thus began a very long conversation between S6 and myself, with S2 listening but not understanding. I have finally gotten sick and tired of all the lying and covering up for my W. I am tired of all these enabling behaviors. I believe in protecting my children from things that they need not know about, but I don't like hiding the truth from them either. So for better or worse, I have begun opening up with my sons. I am now preparing them for the eventuality that their parents are likely to never get back together again, but that I would fight tooth and nail to stay as their father for as long as they would have me. I told them that their mother was no longer in love with their father and that she wanted to replace him if she could. I told them to pray for their mother and hope that God somehow reaches her.
S6 kept thinking there had to be some way he could convince his mother to keep us together as a family. I kept re-iterating to him that nothing we could say would ever be able to change W's mind -- only God could do that and only if W would allow it.
I know that much of what was said between S6 and myself would get back to W. So be it. I'm getting tired of this facade. Let her get mad at me. The pretense and the lies to me are so insulting.
