Saffie Hi. I want to thank everyone on here. I'm trying my best to take everyone's advice and I do realize that Dutchman had it much worse and it's heartbreaking. I realize everyone on this board has gone through this and I know I'm not the only one but no matter how much I try my mind and emotions always come back to this tortue I am living. It may seem like I'm feeling sorry for myself but I'm not, it's the opposite because sometimes I don't feel like I deserve happiness because I've pushed my wife away. I don't know why but I can't deal with her wanting to be with someone else because I'd sacrfice my own life to save her without even thinking about it. I'm 44 years old and I always felt my life was set and I knew what I was doing for the rest of my life. I'm a simple man and all I wanted is to share my life with my wife and to grow old together. I was content and happy with my life and thought my wife would be there by myside. So now I feel broken and my life torn apart. She is part of me and I want no one else. My own grandmother who live until she was 90 was widowed at 40 and never remarried because of her bond with my grandfather. I tell you that because I know people say this will heal with time and maybe it does with certain people but everyone is different and not everyone heals.
