I'm still doing it

[nephartiti]

MK, H only admitted to talking to a woman from work whom he will not name. Talking includes hours of cell calls to the extent where he skipped out on outings with kids and would not answer phone. However, there were several nights he did not come home and "meetings" at work when I saw him drive away from school (yes I was spying). The day he left, he got new cell phone strictly to contact her (20 times a day). No, he still says there is no OW. The stage 4 thing really scares me. At what point in these stages do we have a chance of turning things around? I'm trying not to panic, but I feel like this rollercoaster is out of control!

Morgan, I wouldn't be surprised if he turned this whole thing into martyrdom. I want the kids to be happy. I always treated S9 like dirt. They deserve to be brothers, so I'll just remove myself as a burden and let you be happy. I'll suffer with OW. It would be just like him to justify it.

Anyway, he is supposed to show up here in the morning. He wants to have breakfast with the kids. I'm trying to decide whether to make a semi-nice breakfast or let him fend for himself. I don't want to come on too strong, but I don't want to be rude either. What's the protocol on this one?

Also, I haven't specifically told him I don't want him going off on an adventure with them. I'm not sure how to do this without accusing him of breaking our agreement about no contact with imaginary OW.

Anyone have any suggestions? I was going to try to sneak off without mentioning the car seats, but I think that is almost petty. I want to be straightforward but non-threatening

[mkultra]

I told H to get his own car seats.

You are anything but rude. You have a deep empathy for others. Martydom is right. I think it does go along with that Stage of Seeking Approval. Now I see that is why my H has been lying to others about the amount of money he gives me.

Re: Suffering with OW. Yep, my H says that too. Hs R with OW is a nightmare and makes him unhappy but it is something he felt he needed. So emo.

[nephartiti]

I don't have much time as he will be here in about an hour. I couldn't sleep. Just restless, but I know I am much less apt to handle things well when I'm tire. I have to be very careful not to throw out remarks about him going around her schdule. I am so irritated by the fact that he tell S2 to call and he can't once answer the phone for him. I was able to let it go at the time, but now it is really bothering me.

I guess I'm also expecting some kind of bomb soon. The tears the last few days were so weird. Part of me was hoping he was coming aroung. The more I think of it, I think he is just grieving because he is letting us all go. I want to cry.

I can't. I have to pull it together and try to act "As If" everything is cheery. Sometimes this feels like a crock of you know what, but I know spouting off my real feelings doesn't work so here goes nothing. Plus, now he thinks we're all happy w/out him so he can just exit with no further guilt. Lovely.

Sorry, guess I'm having another pity party. Have to pull myself out stat.

I'm going to go to the Y this morning. Then run some errands. Maybe I'll treat myself to lunch I got a hair cut yesterday so I'm going to flaunt my goods a little in my now kind of loose fitted jeans an my new do.

Wish me luck.

[nephartiti]

Well, it's 8:02 AM here in Cali. He hasn't called like he said he would and he isn't here like he said he would be. I sure am glad I didn't go all out on breakfast, but I feel like an idiot sitting here waiting for him. I bet she talked him into staying for her first period conference. Worse yet, maybe he decided to on his own. I shouldn't have told him the kids would probably still be sleeping.

I feel like such an idiot. This sure does remind me of those days before I KNEW there was an OW. She already has him 24/7. Can't she let him come see his kids once a week without her?

I was planning on going to the cardio salsa class but now I'm thinking the kickboxing may be more appropriate. If he shows up, that is.

Great, now my SIL is on the phone telling me about a lady she met at the gas station who's husband left her for another teacher. Wth! Anyway, they divorced. She tried to play "nice" and he took her for everything. Is this some kind of sign? They had four kids. He left when their baby was 2 months old. Now he doesn't even see his kids. I really don't want to hear this right now. Why is she even awake right now? She usually sleeps til noon. When A broke up he tried to get back, but she was done. I guess it's been a few years now.

Great! Now I'm a mess. It's probably best if he doesn't come now. I'm not going to call him. If he stands his kids up today, I'm going so dark and I'm taking the kids with me. How dare he mess with them like this. At least they are young and don't realize they are being disrespected.

Now my house is clean so I don't even know what to do with this energy. OK OK OK OK. It's OK. Just calm down, Michelle (yes my name is Michelle).

[Dom R]

Great, now my SIL is on the phone telling me about a lady she met at the gas station who's husband left her for another teacher. Wth! Anyway, they divorced. She tried to play "nice" and he took her for everything. Is this some kind of sign?

WOW. I guess you did all right by the in-laws... sounds like he's warning you to get your act together, because he knows your husband is planning to take you to the cleaners

Whether he knows something or not.... it sounds like a good idea.
Get your act together quick, and be prepared. protect your family from their psycho cheating father.

[Reincarnated]

Neph (M)--
I just got on and saw your message--I hope you are feeling a bit better...

We all know the feeling that you are going through--I wish I could reach through the line and give you a hug!!! This is so hard, but just knowing that you have to Act As If is a huge thing. You know the path, and knowing it is half of the battle. OK, maybe less than half...it is harder to actually DO what we know that we must do...

Please let us know how things went...

(((Michele)))

[nephartiti]

Thanks Dom and Donna.

After my last post, I decided to send H a happy pic of the kids. He called 2 minutes later and asked if he could still stop by. I didn't mention that he was late or question him. Told him "sure".

It took him about five minutes to get here. He told me several times how good I look, how I lost weight, my hair looks nice, etc. Then he told me I should buy some new shoes (my staple converse are worn but no where near dead). I swear, this man keeps telling me to buy things for myself and the kids but he's already spent all the money! I told him these were fine and I will when finances are a little better (I said it lightly). I asked him if he ever got his LASIK eye surgery. He said he did yesterday and had a follow up today (his excuse for being late). I asked if I could look at his eye. I leaned in real close and took a good long look. I could have kissed him, but I didn't of course. Anyway, then I backed up and said, "You can't even tell". I took every opportunity to bend over. My jeans are low and when I lean over, my shirt lifts a little to expose my back and, sometimes, my sexy panties

Then, I was on my way out. I asked what time he needed me back. One hour. I made a face and said I was planning on having a little more time. He narrowed his eyes and asked if I was going to the gym. I looked at him like he was absurd, although this was my original plan. "Have you been going to the gym?" I just laughed and told him I'd be back at 11:15 (he agreed to an extra 15 minutes). Then I LEANED over again to kiss the kids goodbye and walked out.

I went to Jamba Juice and met my SIL at babies R us. You can't do too much in an hour.

When I got home I gave S2 a big hug. D was sleeping. H was a little more reserved. Asked how it went. I was happy and said "good". I just started going about my business. The baby woke up. H got her. I noticed the strawberries and sour cream (H's favorite) were not touched. He didn't stay long. He said he was leaving and I neutrally said bye.

I did peek in the van before I came in. Looks pretty much the same as last time except there was a vanilla diet Dr P and a Starbucks coffee cup (H doesn't drink either).

After he left, I checked my PC history, which I deleted before I left. He was snooping. He erased one of S9's drawings. Jerk! and a pic SIL found online of OW. Actually, I thought I had already erased that. It must have been in the recycle bin. He also found a file folder I made for an old "friend" I have been e-mailing. He's a writer, so I have half a dozen poems in a folder in my docs. He opened 2 of them. So, MK and Homer, I hope you're right because now he'll think I'm dating.

Now, I have a confession. I know this is bad, but I set up a tape recorder while I was gone. I know. I know. This is what I heard. It is very muffled but he called OW twice. The first time was w/in 15 minutes after I left and he says "Hi, how are you. I'm still here. Yeah, I know. She left. Well, she said she just had some things to do. (OW talks a lot). I know I know. Yeah. Yeah, i know it's just. You know whatOK, I will call..." I couldn't make anything else out. I think he might of said ILY, but I couldn't really hear. Call number 2:"Hi. Are you going to call me back or. OK. yeah.. yeah, I know. Well there was a picture. Yeah I deleted it. You don't have to do anything." I don't know if he came her to see the kids or just see what dirt I have on them. Sounds like she was asking a lot of questions. H set up a web cam here too. Yeah, like that's staying up. I think I'll vomit now.

It does sound like he's under some pressure from OW. She doesn't really want him here. I guess I am a threat in some ways, but not really because he wouldn't even eat the food I made and he didn't make any physical contact this time either. He's such a good actor. He plays us both so well... barf

[LL44]

WOW. Just wow. I can't believe you set up a recorder. I wouldn't have ever thought of that, but I can tell you from the recorded calls OW's H (I refused to listen), I am glad I didn't. Much MUCH worse than those. How odd, its like he is reporting back to OW, what is that all about??? I hate to say (but it happened to me), H is probably painting a nasty picture of you to OW and he is feeding her all sorts of bull about you. I am so sorry. I would continue to act as if, don't question the computer snooping, but maybe put something to really make him question on there next time.

Hope you feel better, what a day for you. I wonder if he would have called if you hadn't sent the pictures? He's a fool, but aren't they all?

[mkultra]

If she is the real OW then she must be very insecure. Aren't they all? Maybe she is the Competetive OW. Did you read that article on the four types?

I hate that everytime I see my H, he is on the phone. I hate that I saw that number so many months ago and wished I called her out in the beginning instead of waiting. Maybe it is for the best I did not fight for him. All in the past now.

All the OW are the same. They are just one pool of the same demeanor and one can replace the other and they are interchangeable and nothing special. Your OW, my OW, one in the same. So annoying.

But we are special. I know it in my bones. You wear Converse. That is freakin' awesome.

I am sorry your H is being weak. I can tell from that phone call he is being weak and pathetic. He needs to feel cared for, I guess. It is ironic because no one will care for him more than you but he has issues.

[nephartiti]

Yup yup and yup. Thanks for the perspectives.

He was reporting to her. I guess she feels threatened, but I feel like they are conspiring against me. He said, "YOU don't have to do anything." So what is HE going to do? Plus the web cam. He mentioned he was bringing it so I could send him more pics of the kids, but he didn't give me the rundown on how to use it. I'm tech challenged and he knows it (but I'm getting better). Can he use this thing to spy on me? Also, how do I check to make sure he didn't put some spy program in my PC to check on what I'm up to? Do we have any PC nerds around here?

Are you ready for the cherry on top of the above sundae? He sent me a TM this afternoon "Thanks again." Wth? He doesn't know whether he's coming or going. Sad. She keeps him from his kids, and he lets her. His loss. You know what? I feel fine. I thought hearing the ILY's and everything would hurt, but it was just confirmation for me. I'm just worried about what they are up to. It seems like this visit was a ploy to dig up some dirt.

I feel this confirms my suspicians on the ID or OW. He didn't say, there is a pic of M. He just said there was a pic, and she freaked, I guess. It's off the school website, it's open to the public. I didn't take a pic of her getting out of the shower or anything. Geeeeeezzz. She's the one lying, sneaking and cheating with a married man.

I'm getting off my own thread and going to visit everyone else for a while.