I know you're working tonight, but thought I'd chime in again. Heim, your W is in a relationship with someone else. She can't hear you or see any changes you make right now with any clarity.
I'm beating the A horse because you're still hoping it's not happening, and as long as you hang onto that, you're not going anywhere. And you're right: to her it's not an A. It's fine to see things differently, but holding onto the A label is holding you back.
Again, I don't think all hope is lost because of the A, but you seem to. If you can move yourself to the place where you see the A and accept that the A is happening, you'll be in a much, much better position, because you'll be seeing things realistically. You'll know that even mentioning that retreat is doomed to fail and push the W even further away. You won't even entertain the idea.
You know that place that people talk about here, the one you reach where you've accepted where your M is and you're so fine with yourself and the picnic you've created that you're not worrying about whether the WAS will come back? You need to get there. No more pantie raids, no more thinking about the OM, no more mentioning the responsibility you accept for your faults in the M, no more pleading your case and asking for time down the line.
Let it go, Heim. And you know all of this comes with a big ((((Heim))))).
