H wants D

[Grace_O]

I am going to tell H that I have been afraid to be honest w/him regarding my feelings for some time because H has been so angry at the world and has had such dramatic reactions.

That is totally fair. Of course he may have a fit.

I like your boundary about his watching D1.5 at his place too. Mostly b/c he's leaving a mess for you. It'll be hard esp. if he's doing the "I'll show you" stuff. He may make sure you run into OW. You've done so well, I have no doubt you'll handle it well.

[forward]

Interesting, Grace (that he may make sure I run into OW). Yes, that is possible. I am dropping off D1.5 and H will pick her up downstairs (he lives on 3rd floor of apt., which pleases me).

Enjoying the thought of coming home to clean house tomorrow, and more peace. And my Saturday night fun!

[forward]

DB C pointed out that H is going through much the same transition as a 21-year-old son w/me.

-Clean out your things.
-Yes, all of them.
-Now stop hanging around here all the time and making a mess..
-Now do your laundry at your own place, please.

Now it's time to stop asking Mom for money.

[w8ing]

Breton - sorry it has been so long since I have posted...you've read my thread - I hope you understand....

I'm right there with you on the OW thing with the IL's. My IL's have taken her right in as if she is just naturally supposed to be there. As if what their son is doing with her, living with her while still married to me, is completely normal and OK in their eye. MIL has gone out to lunch with just her and OW and OW ate Easter dinner at their house.

I really don't know that I expected anything different, but for them to just act as if 15 years with their son meant so little that I could be shoved out so quickly hurts. THey are nice to me and have told me if I need absolutely anything that I can call them anytime and I think they sincerely mean it, but I won't. Not after how they've taken OW in to their home and are treating her the same as they treated me when what she's doing wtih their son is so obviously wrong. I just won't.

butterflymom - I will be just crushed if this happens to me...and it may. How can you accept this behavior from your child? I don't get this...

Breton - the comparison that the DB C gave you was perfect...I hadn't thought of it that way but it does seem so true. Which coach did you speak with?

I may have missed something in your past posts or not remembering something, but H is agreeing to MC and there is an OW? Is that unusual?

I like that your D is going to his place a couple of times a week. Although if you are really lucky like me, the mess just comes home in a suitcase (dirty laundry). But, yeah - he should have to stock up for her and care for her and be responsible for her......

I wishing you strength and patience in your decision to stand for your M. I think it takes courage and I admire you for that!

w8ing

[forward]

No, H is going to have diapers and food on the floor and all that at his place now. I don't think there is much that he can send back with me--certainly not the mess I did have--so that is groovy. It may be easier for him (and the part that really makes my heart hurt is that OW may watch D1.5), but I also like that D1.5 is intruding on the artsy love nest.

My next step is going to be to run a state worksheet that clearly shows CS obligations for him. He needs to get out of his imaginary fantasy world and start living in reality.

Was mad last night when he opened his bank statement and credit card statement here. Oh well, so not my problem.

W8, we are technically doing mediation so we can try to negotiate some of these issues. H has said he wants divorce; I want LS so we can solidify some of the things we discussed.

[forward]

DB C also said that he may go up now. He is learning to take care of himself and may start to feel better about himself.

[w8ing]

Breton - I'm sorry - I don't understand - DB C also said that he may go up now? What does this mean? Go up out of the tunnel?

I can't even imagine my girls meeting this OW. This will not go over well, especially with my older D. Your D is young enough, however, that she won't remember this. Hopefully, in time, the OW will be out of the picture.....

Maybe your D is just what the little OW needs to see...the realities of a family....

w8ing

[forward]

Go up meaning that he may become more confident in himself.

In my sitch, we felt that H needed to feel more equal to have R w/me. May have felt inferior and we needed to relate as equals in order to see me as a person. OW may begin to appear as weak and childish as I believe she is.

H's relationship with OW still is going strong, though. Wondering how long this will go on.

Child support is likely to be much more than H imagines. He needs a reality check there.

[goal]

Breton,

A big reality check hit my H when he got a view of the child support and maintenance. Especially maintenance because it will last 10-15 years because we were married so long.

Reality s l o w l y sinks in.

[forward]

I ask myself how long I can do this. I don't know.

And more than once I ask myself why I am doing it. I don't know.

Well, goal, we are on the same timeline, as i have said before.