Growing up is hard to do

[peaceful_spirit]

I haven't been on in a week because I'm trying to sort my head out. H came home from his biz trip and we talked, on a number of occasions.

He told me that he feels like I'm always judging him, no matter what he does. And it makes him feel disconnected from me. He said he wanted to work with his C to find a better way of dealing with feeling disconnected from me. He admitted to resuming contact wiht OW over the past two weeks after I "kicked him out" again. At least he was honest with me about it -- a step in the right direction.

Anyway, we ended up going to a MC session which was really helpful. A lot of stuff came out -- on both sides. MC (who is also his C) was trying to get him to express how he was feeling - she used a specific example and asked him to say how he was feeling. He literally couldn't do it.

So the plan now is for him to continue with him for a while, then bring me in after she has a few sessions with him. She's really good.

So, for now he's not moving out. But he is still on the couch. C said that we need to have somethign different this time around. He needs to feel some discomfort... some leverage... something that will motivate him to work on the M. She said that in front of him. I do feel like we got a lot of stuff out on the table. I don't wnat to go into all the details, but I felt it was a good dialogue.

So, that's where we are. We are trying to communicate better. We are hanging out at night, but then I go to bed and sleep quite soundly.

H is going back to C on Thursday. I think he could make some real progress if he starts going every week. I hope he can. My stpuid anniversary is coming up next month. I'm dreading it.

So, I'm feeling stable and in control. For now, that's all I care about (with the exceptino of how my kids feel, of course).

H is out tonight, out all day tomorrow, Sunday night, then going away Monday. I'm happy to have that space between us. And C actually recommended it.

Meanwhile, I'm focusing on work, my kids, my home and my friends.