. It seems like he had felt cornered into initiating and angry at me for clearly wanting sex when he didn't (emotionally or physically, the more we tried the more it wasn't happening
oh dear...
well, hopefully, you realize that in that kind of situation, "anger" is really just a mask to cover up their shame about "failure to perform".
and yeah, fantasies can be very different from real life. It's actually a very different feeling, for a man who seems a sexually agressive woman come on to som guy on screen, and think "wow, that's hot"... but then suddenly get confronted by a woman like that in real life, when we're not already "ready". It's a real disconnect. very disoriented. it's like, "WOW! she's all over me! and... wait, what's going on? What's wrong with me?"
Believe it or not, men sometimes do need a little foreplay, too
here's a thought for you:
How about trying to be more "sexually agressive"... but dont make it about intercourse. Make it about "fooling around".
If he seems "up" to something, then maybe go for it. But otherwise... just have "fun" ?
swap "erotic massages" or something. you give first, but be open and let him know somehow that he is NOT "expected to perform". see what happens.
(but you'd better be prepared to deal with your rushing hormones if he DOESNT perform. )
(If he gave you a nice massage, but doesnt want to "go there", you might take the pressure off him, by "helping yourself" with him still in the room. Dont have any expectations.... but it might make an interesting "experiment" to see if he has any reaction to that )
Good luck, and ta-ta for now
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Karen, You should check on the DS9 episodes, "Looking for Par'mach in All the Wrong Places" and "You Are Cordially Invited. . " They are both great fun for a Klingon look at mating.
Also later 6th and 7th Season DS9 had one of the Kingons talking about marriage. I thought it was great fun to discuss a very human thing using a science fiction overlay.
Scott -Who is so ready to be done with work for the week.
"Satisfaction is not guaranteed." Rule #19 Ferengi "Rules of Acquistition"
Karen; (and Chrome) For "Serenity" start with the series instead. "Firefly" is a wonderful SF and Western crossover series by "Buffy" creator Joss Whedon. It's a delight, with a fun cast and good writing.
Scott
"Satisfaction is not guaranteed." Rule #19 Ferengi "Rules of Acquistition"
Radical honesty stuff (jesus, your H sounds so much like HoneyPot's)...
K to H: "H, I would really like it, very, very, much, if you would be my lover, and during the day, when we have family/kid stuff to do, that you would be my friend. Husbands... suck.
I think you really need to get your hands on that Radical Honesty book. Look, you will bust my chops when I get out of line, and you do it in a very... soft, gentle way. I appreciate it, I do.... it's one of the thing **I** love most about you. If you came at me and said, "Corri, shut your mouth, you're acting like an azz," I doubt I would hear you so... profoundly. You tame a raging beast, kwis? You don't have a raging beast at home.
But... you are one of those gals that wants 'throw me on the bed and give me pirate sex' kinda gals, and subtle, I'm sorry, your 'subtle' just does not WORK.
Why in the world would you NOT want to step out of your comfort zone and TAKE CHARGE?
"Honey, I'm horny. And this (x, y, z) is what I want to do. Now." And then dive in. ESPECIALLY with the most amazing earth-shattering kiss you can bestow upon the man. And then... tease the HE!! out of him... and go get what you WANT.
It's not like you lack imagination.... puhleezzeeee....
Just 'temper' yourself based on his... response. You certainly don't want to plow ahead if he is uncomfortable... but if he isn't THERE yet, you don't have to back off completely... see it as a challenge....
I am a long time lurker here and some time responder. I have replied to your thread before. I have been married 29 years to a guy who over the years has lost his sex drive due to ED, aging as well as I know for a fact that he does MB in preference to ML to a willing partner. I said to him in a very caring manner probably at least five years ago, look it is really important to me to have a sexual relationship with my partner and if it hasn't happened in at least a week then you need to start thinking about it. See with the ED/LD guy you need to leave the initiation schedule in their ball park, cause you don't know if they have taken the meds they need in order to get things going.
So that would be my recommendation to you Karen bring up your concern, he does seem like a very caring guy, and then leave it up to him to do the initiating, I think he has survived too long on the please himself (MB) mode and simply does not get it and what he needs to do to do well in a long term relationship.
Let him know that after one or two weeks with no action that he needs to start thinking about it and initiate something. When you do nothing as you have done he is thinking all is well and he doesn't have to do anything.
Oh and for you Hairdog:
I always think of my wife as a sex object - I ask for sex and she objects.
VEry interesting about the ED problems that night. Because it sounds like the sex life has dwindled more and more and then some more. To the point it is at now.
Same situation here with my husband. It was awhile back and he had that happen also. Then it happened a couple more times. It doesn't always happen mind you. But it has...and see that is a HUGE problem for a man. The way my husband described it was like that little thought of what if it happens again is like a hUGE elephant that is sitting in the room. My husband actually opened up to me about this. He was almost in tears and so embarrassed talking about it. I can tell you when the doctor had given him samples of viagra he was like a new man. lol He was initiating, he was aggressive, and also even his overall behavior was better.He said all it takes is for this happen to a man once and whenever the thought of sex comes up he is petrified it will hapen again. He said he knows even thinking about it can make it happen but he can't help it. Anyways it was a huge eye opener for me. It was a great conversation for us. I was able to tell him how much I loved him. How I loved making love to him. That it didn' matter to me if it did happen and I certainly didn't think less of him as a man. I told him it must be difficult to be a man and have to have something work. For a woman there is usually only the lubrication problem but then you grab some KY and are ready to go.
Perhaps this could be a huge issue for him. My husband to was turning to MB.
I wouldn't be surprised to hear that she'd already addressed that. But anyway...
It is unnerving to go around thinking that taking off your pants and revealing a soft member could, all by itself, be taken as a deadly insult against her looks, her sex appeal, or whatever. If she's got even a hint of "body issues", this is a real worry in his mind. And then avoiding the issue is also an insult against her, but perhaps you can get away with avoiding it for a little while until the thing decides to work. And then just one day more. And then just another day more. And then you realize you've already hurt her by waiting too long, and if you try and it doesn't work, you'll hurt her a lot more.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
Hi Karen - I saw on Sandi's thread that you have Graves disease. Welcome to the club! I too had Graves disease, I'm a family physician, and all of my siblings have had Graves or Hashimoto's, as well as two of my nieces and my mom. Through this process I've learned an AWFUL lot about autoimmune thyroid diseases.
Don't know where you are in your treatment, but wanted to share a few things: - selenium 200 mcg a day has been shown to reduce thyroid antibodies by about half - 1 out of 20 patients with autoimmune thyroid disease also have celiac disease, and there are anecdotal reports of Graves disease going into remission on a gluten-free casein-free diet. If I had it to do over again, I would get tested for anti-gliadin antibodies, then try a gluten-free diet. - L-carnitine has been used to calm Graves disease symptoms - the dose is 2000mg to 4000 mg a day. - if you are on anti-thyroid drugs, consider asking your doctor about "block and replace" - where they give back some thyroid hormone. When I was on anti-thyroid drugs, my lab test numbers all looked great - but in retrospect, I was very hypothyroid the whole time.
If you want to know more, you can email me at elliestough@hotmail.com - just put something about DB in the subject line.
Though you may well be right about me having to dominate 100% of the time if I want frequency although that would also mean getting shot down a good percentage of the time or sometimes having him be mad at me for my insensitivity.
"welcome to the brotherhood of males". ha ha
That's exactly what the typical HD male has to deal with, when joined to a LD female. Having to deal with rejection Having to be called "insensitive", "inconsiderate", or "demanding", for asking for sex when the woman doesnt feel like it.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
