RHW (Cadesmom!!!! I hadn't realized that was you!!!! and you are a red head! ... is it natural?),

I think having a "near" EA is sort of good. During my divorce (just as my relationship with H was starting to get a little better), I did meet a guy who I developed a crush on. Even though it was only an emotional affair (okay, 2 hugs and one kiss.... big deal!!!!), it helped me understand what my husband went through and how these relationships feel. I was able to examine my feelings and the relationship from this other angle. I could also see the fantasy in it all. It was kind of nice having that objective view. This kept me from allowing it to go further, but at the same time gave me a lot of insight. I think when you can keep your head together, going through something like this and understanding it better can be a positive.

It also helps you realize your own vulnerabilty and the weaknesses you may see in others. I think if you turn it into a positive it can help you be even more determined and aware of never falling into that type of situation.

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.