CVA - Desperate Housewives

[waw1978]

As usual, I am taking the advice of an expert. I had a lawyer once tell me I was his toughest client in 20+ yrs of practice (no it was not Nomo!) because I critiqued every word of his letters and tried to act like a lawyer and that I was too anal. Not sure if that was a compliment or not! So he said, stop trying to do EVERYTHING and start taking advice of experts!!! Anyway, the expert, C in this case said my W sounded like someone who needed to process info and may do it better when she can sit and read it, re-read it etc. (this is what she did to me when telling me about the S, she handed me a note). I think she is right, which is why I am going to write it down.

C

I think this is great advice. Write it all down. How you feel that your current living arrangement is unaccetable and cannot continue as is. You need to take the next step if this is going to continue. You would like to have a place you can call your own. Not spending time at "her" house feeling like a guest and sleeping in your "room" of an apartment. If this situatin is going to remain stagnant then you would like to set up a true home for yourself and the children elsewhere. Bottom line, either you move back to your "house" with wife and kids, or you move to a larger place where you and the kids can begin to adjust to a true separation since it does not look like a reconcile is in the making. I would offer a compromise of continuing the current arrangement if she was willing to work on the M and go to MC with you. If not then you need to start looking out for yourself and move on with plans for a new place. Like I have said before, she is getting all the perks of being "separated" but still has you at the house doing all the "heavy lifting and helping with the kids...just long enough to shoo you out the door at the end of the night. Its not fair to you, not fair to the kids and certainly isn't allowing her the time and space she needs to realistically deal with the sitch.

Just my nickels worth... I would also suggest having any financial plans already thought out in case you get the dreaded, can we afford this conversation.