Thanks for your thoughts. Nomo, how can I be honest with them and not put them in a position where they'll blame one of us? Are you talking about something along the lines of what CVA said?
CVA, it'd be hard for me to say "we can't live together right now." I feel like I can. If H were seeing someone and not respecting my request to keep it out of the house, that would be true. But right now it's not.
This just from H re talking to the kids: "The biggest challenge seems to avoid the blame game, and I realize that this may not be easy for you. S*** - none of this will be easy. But when I do move out, I want that to be a mutual adult decision.
I don't envision a big sit-down with the kids, either. I can see a very casual conversation about this, that you and I decided to live in different places."
See, this isn't a mutual decision, and I haven't decided to live in a different place from him. This smacks of his "we're not there yet," meaning I'm not there yet. And I'm still not. So anything I say to the kids like "mommy and daddy can't live together right now" feels very, very false to me.
He seems to think that the impact on the kids will be minimal, and that it's all in how we tell them. I know how we tell them is important, but holy moly, this p**es me off!
And he also said he's not interested in splitting finances, just figuring out what we can afford short- to midterm. He says he'd like "us to talk to a D lawyer," which sounds like a bad idea. Anyone ever go WITH the WAS to talk to a lawyer? Maybe I'm just being paranoid.
He says it's easier for him to email me his thoughts. It often is for me to write, too, but I hesitate to write back right away. He said tonight can be mellow, we don't have to discuss all this. We'll see. But the 48-hour rule leaves a lot of time, makes the conversation take forever, so I'm not sure that'll work here either.
