What an emotional time. First, I hope you get some rest tonight and this weekend. Stay in, take some walks, eat well, sleep and take care of yourself.
Also, looks like your H is in for some drama soon, if he really is kicking out the OW (as he has said many times over when he gets to the "I can't take my life anymore" point). Don't let him take out the emotional toll of the drama on you. By that I mean: it's wonderful you are his friend, but know your boundaries and don't let it affect your health or emotional state. Let him sort his own drama to himself. If he really means he wants to be alone to sort it out, that means solving your own problems and turning to others for support, not a crutch. And, after all that he has done to you, it's wonderful you both have a great friendship, but he has to realize some respect and know that you can't be holding him up with his OW breakup or sorting his life out.
I agree that actions speak louder than words ever do. Keep that close to your heart.
I hope you know that I love you dearly, and don't mean any of this to sound as if I don't like the current events or am putting a damper on it. Your H and mine are so the same in their extreme actions and nature, and IMP is right for the 2 of them....they need a shrink, maybe meds...not just some "alone time and getting rid of OW" But those are valiant and good starts. Bravo to him for that alone.
I do think your H is sincere in what he says. Sometimes, when you're weak in life, it's hard to back it up with actions. It doesn't mean the words mean nothing, it just means they can't take the action for whatever reason.
However, I do see one trend he has in his conversations.....and it's one they all get sucked into, and it's human nature. I see a lot of his "clean up" in life still finger pointing. He wants to get rid of OW, change the locks and lots of talk about how she is not right. All true, but still looking outside for the solutions. I sincerely think that when he does get rid of OW, it will push him deeper down....when he is all that is left.
Sooner or later, he will come to a point where he points to himself and asks "how did I get here....what in ME got me here...." We all know there are a million Glenn Close Bunny Boilers in the world.....but H had something going on to get him there.
I hope he comes to this one day, for his own sake. And, you are wonderful to be his friend and still know your limits and have a clear view of his slow exit.
Truly, I am so happy for your recent interactions. At the very least, I am thrilled that you, someone I adore, are finally hearing "you are great Val, I made a mistake, and you are wonderful" from a person who hurt you so badly and made you feel terrible.
