muddled and angry: Puddle's sencond thread

[S.T. _I Made It!]

You know what. I think you should tell your H that your not going to lie to the kids. If your kids ask specifically if you wanted him to leave, you'll tell them no. But You have no idea what will happen in the future, you can only work on the present and you are committed to being the best mother that you can be.

What is so bad with crying? Your kids need to see you have emotions and that you CAN be sad. it's OKAY if you are really feeling that. it's not a bad thing to feel pain. It's what you do with that afterwards that's good or bad. Your kids are going to learn how you deal with this sitch and it will sit in their minds for when they may have to deal with their own sitch.

That's just my opinion. I'm sure people will be totally against it, but I think if my mom had lied to me about it, I'd be more upset. although I WAS 14 when it happened to me, but mentally I was much younger, very naive.

I don't know. it's a really tough decision. I would say it might be better to talk to each of them seperately also. the 4 year old really doesn't need to know a lot, but the 7 year old is going to have a lot of questions I'm sure.

I can tell you that putting blame on your H or accusing him of doing things is not healthful for them. My mom did eventually tell me that my dad had an A, and we didn't have that close of a R anyways, but I was mad at my dad for doing what he did.

Even if you state that it is your Hs decision to leave you can still emphasize what a good dad he is and he will continue to be a good dad and that they are very important to him. And then when your H does good things as a father, praise him for it in front of the kids, or to the kids alone. You can tell them you wish that they could work things out, but sometimes a person isn't able to do this and they need to leave the marriage.

The only problem with this I see is that M is suppose to be for life. I did not want my kids thinking that it was "okay" for my H to leave. As a christian, it's totally wrong. So I did tell my 8 year old that when you M, it is suppose to be for life. However, I can't make your dad be married to me and he is struggling with the M and he thinks the only way to fix it is by leaving. I can only pray and be the best person I can be and ask God to let my H have the desire to work on our M. But whatever happens we will all be okay and we as parents will always take care of you and love you and be there for you no matter what.

hope your day is better today.