About the kids. He chooses the level of interference from the kids. Before we even met he chose to be a foster parent of 3 and 4 kids at a time such that he had already fostered a bunch before we ever met.
INteresting. This, to me, says that he places children as a higher priority than his own adult relationships. A lot higher. (possibly due to some unmet FOO needs that he had/has)
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So, if he has issues with the kids blocking intimacy - it is HIS issue
It affects him, certainly. But I would say that it is your(both) issue. After all, it does affect you too! (both directly, and indirectly)
Which do you think is going to work faster/better: Convincing him to take ownership of his half of the issue? Or, you actively managing it for both of you?
Maybe you could even try both ways: manage it yourself for the short term, but at the same time, gently point out to him that he also has power in that area.
As I mentioned to start, though: he probably has his priorities out of whack, so while he may realize he has the "power" to do something about it, he may not be giving himself "permission" to do so.
You complained in an earlier post, "he would do something about it [if he gave a damn about you]". However, it may be that he cares very much about you, yet feels more obligation to put the children first.
Last edited by Dom R; 09/28/0704:03 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
