Interesting, karen. If you buy a costume, it needs to be a Klingon female. Seriously, wouldn't that totally freak him out if he came in the bedroom one night and there you were in full Klingon regalia COMPLETE WITH MASK. I'll bet he would JUMP on you.
You need to go watch all the old Star Treks where Spock gets it on... there aren't that many... and use those techniques. (I love the one with Mariette Hartley when they're in the ice cave a million years ago... very sad ending.)
Or the New Gen ones with Klingon sex... study them.
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The reason I know is that he once referenced some horoscope book that described my sign (Scorpio) as being so hypersexual as to be a sort of "sexual healer" of others.
This makes a LOT of sense to me. I think he knows his way of relating sexually is aberrant, and he hopes that you can heal him. Not FIX him... but somehow lead him (without blatantly leading) down a path where he can find a way to be passionate. Interesting...
Scott, if you were a woman, how would you seduce Spock when he is NOT in mating mode? Or is it possible?
Well, I'm sure I could do that. My H has every James T. Kirk Star Trek on tape. He wants me to read the book series but insists that I can't until I view the entire series in order so I can properly understand the books. I love to read so I'm sure I could do so with only some minor tee heeing.
Actually the Klingon he likes is Lt. Worfs mate. She wears a Starfleet uniform and is a brunette like me. He also liked O'Hura's Dance of the Veils thingie. He doesn't seem to get all excited over James T. Kirk's various conquests - not enough character development I think.
The two men, besides my father, who I knew my mother found quite sexually attractive were Spock and the Priest at our Episcopal church. (Blech, blech, blech!)
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
He also liked O'Hura's Dance of the Veils thingie.
ROFL ... if you could get through that without laughing, I'd be impressed.
Of course, I kinda liked the Catherine Zeta-Jones laser thingie in the movie "Entrapment", even if it was blatant, so to each his own.
Has he or you seen the movie Serenity, or the Fifth Element? I was just thinking both of those have the "fighting tough" yet in need of a man to lead them, female character in them. Granted, the main female in Serenity is a young girl, but the concept is there.
Chrome
p.s. The Star Trek book series is ok (what I've read), but frankly for you it will be a lot like a guy reading a romance novel
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
About the kids. He chooses the level of interference from the kids. Before we even met he chose to be a foster parent of 3 and 4 kids at a time such that he had already fostered a bunch before we ever met.
INteresting. This, to me, says that he places children as a higher priority than his own adult relationships. A lot higher. (possibly due to some unmet FOO needs that he had/has)
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So, if he has issues with the kids blocking intimacy - it is HIS issue
It affects him, certainly. But I would say that it is your(both) issue. After all, it does affect you too! (both directly, and indirectly)
Which do you think is going to work faster/better: Convincing him to take ownership of his half of the issue? Or, you actively managing it for both of you?
Maybe you could even try both ways: manage it yourself for the short term, but at the same time, gently point out to him that he also has power in that area.
As I mentioned to start, though: he probably has his priorities out of whack, so while he may realize he has the "power" to do something about it, he may not be giving himself "permission" to do so.
You complained in an earlier post, "he would do something about it [if he gave a damn about you]". However, it may be that he cares very much about you, yet feels more obligation to put the children first.
Last edited by Dom R; 09/28/0704:03 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Yeah - I don't believe in horoscopes either but my daughters are both Tauruses - sposed to be stubborn as h*ll which they are but I think that is because they are mine. LOL!
Thanks for the correction Lil - yes, I was talking about Uhuru. I have seen some of the original series but have probably seen much more of the Next Generation. Just for fun I often engage H in a Kirk vs Picard debate. He says Picard is a p*ssy because he's French.
Dom,
I do recognize that the way H chooses to deal with the kids (putting them before every conceivable thing) affects both of us. However, I am big on personal responsibility. I did exactly the kind of taking over that you describe in my 1st M.
My xH was like raising another child and I swore I would never do that again. And I haven't. Current H is very adult, very responsible, very task oriented, listmaking and all of that. He can cook, clean, do the laundry, do childcare. He does all of that and so do I. We share duties in everything EXCEPT maintaining our relationship. By not picking up his end of the rope and maintaining a healthy distance from him I had hoped that he would take notice and take personal action. The type of action he might choose may be different than what I would do (the same way that we take care of the kids differently) but that would be ok. So far I have occasional words (murmurings really) that he is noticing we have no time together. The "There's your Mom and Dad time for the night" was said in fatalistic tone - like he was kinda disappointed. However, nights when everyone went to sleep early and we are alone on the couch watching tv have no different physical or emotional contact or tone than any other night so it "rolled off".
My H is a great guy. He's attractive, smart, funny. I would really like it if he wanted to be my lover. However, I have ceased to be defined by that. I have ceased to be willing to sell myself out to make it happen. I will not have an affair. I will not serve H with divorce papers. I will not go on indefinately without confronting him to see what his intentions are. I will be ok, regardless.
