I think early in piecing it probably isn't good to know too many details. The relationship is just rebuilding, emotions may be raw. It's a time for building a good friendship and starting new. I think examining the past is better at a later date when you are closer and have redeveloped some trust. And as everyone reminds me, examining details that are helpful. Not the little picky ones (how many times they had sex), but why do you think it happened? What did you get out of the relationship? Why do you think you felt so drawn to her?
And that doesn't mean you don't want to know the little picky ones like how often they had sex, was she better, etc... Those do nag at me. I think they nag at most people here and we just try to block them out.
For you just take it a day at a time and baby steps. I'm really happy to hear that your husband is home after having left for so long. Were you in divorce too?
Saffie,
I don't know why I'm so relaxed. He's at a conference so I'm sure there are lots of women he could hook up with. I may be completely stupid, but I don't think he would take a chance on that right now. I think the last one cost too much in emotional turmoil and also a huge amount of money. I think his head is in other places. He's very focused on his career and talks about early retirement and consulting. His father has melanoma that has metastasized, and my husband regularly has moles and spots removed so he thinks his life may eventually be cut short from cancer as well.
In addition, I'm still somewhat detached and feel I have a lot of GAL.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
