This also posted under "Newcomers"

[saffie]

Single - I don't think that is a joke - I actually perceive it as a positive thing. When my H told me about his A I did try to end it and I could see no good at all in what was happening. It was so stupid. Now I can see that my H and I would not have rekindled our love like this unless that had happened. He had tried talking to me about how he felt about our M on previous occasions ,but that hadn't been enough. I got shocked into taking action on our M. The suicide thing though hindered the recovery of the R and it damaged my children and really hurt so badly my parents. Other people's situations didn't affect how I felt tho. I didn't care if my grass was greener and more healthy than someone else's. WHATEVER. At the time I was quite happy to put weedkiller on it if I thought it would make me happier. Happier in that context meant stop my head hurting and spinning. It was only when I saw the hurt that I caused everyone that I saw the light. God forbid that one of my kids tries the same thing - I would always think they did it because I tried it. How could I live with that on my conscience. I have to make sure they see what a complete crackpot thing it was I did. It was graphic and involved knives - how fcuking stupid was that.

I so badly want to help GISH like you do.

I just think that at the moment, based on my own experiences, that being told 'look this guy had it really bad - you don't - wake up', might not work. Eventually he'll get to the 'I want my balls back', 'I'm a man' bit. At the moment he needs to take baby steps to get there.

Somehow we have to make him believe in himself and his own worth.

I truly appreciate what you are doing - even if perhaps GISH can't at the moment.

I wish I could shake your hand. The roads we tread are hard at times, but there is a reason and they ARE worth it. That post by Dutchman made me cry too - GISH has to learn how to smile - for his son's sake if not his own. He has done enough crying for now. Time to roll up his sleeves and work.

Saffie