W has been very strident in getting me to clear my schedule this weekend so she can go to some event she describes as Nursing training/seminar this weekend. She asked me to postpone my Sunday session with my C and to keep the kids an extra evening on Sunday. I never mind getting my S's an extra day or night, so I agreed to do so.
Now I feel like I am playing the fool all over again.
I should have known better not to look; I know we're not supposed to snoop. I checked my W's old email address (I have the computer it used to be set up for) and saw a rejected email from yesterday she sent to OM. I would never have seen this email if it hadn't been for the fact that the mail server kicked it back for some reason.
But this is the kicker: The email to the OM is the MapQuest directions between an unknown address in our local area and a beach front hotel some 3 1/2 hours away. So I conclude that the first address is OM's apartment and they are planning a lovely little weekend away together at the beach -- her "Nursing seminar".
She now only sees me as her baby-sitter and bill-payer. I want to ask her does she even have a conscious anymore. How can she possibly sleep at night? How can she look at herself in the mirror? How can she face God anymore? Does she really pray anymore? Does she really even try to listen to what He has to say to her?
What is it that I have done that could so damage her moral compass? What on earth could have destroyed her moral footing like this?
I know. I know -- detach.
But even if I manage to fully detach and move on with my life, still I would worry for her mortal soul.
There goes my PMA for the week. All I can do is focus on my children. I must continue to focus on them and their needs. And seeing what this is doing to them is so very painful.
