I'm still doing it

[nephartiti]

I don't have much time as he will be here in about an hour. I couldn't sleep. Just restless, but I know I am much less apt to handle things well when I'm tire. I have to be very careful not to throw out remarks about him going around her schdule. I am so irritated by the fact that he tell S2 to call and he can't once answer the phone for him. I was able to let it go at the time, but now it is really bothering me.

I guess I'm also expecting some kind of bomb soon. The tears the last few days were so weird. Part of me was hoping he was coming aroung. The more I think of it, I think he is just grieving because he is letting us all go. I want to cry.

I can't. I have to pull it together and try to act "As If" everything is cheery. Sometimes this feels like a crock of you know what, but I know spouting off my real feelings doesn't work so here goes nothing. Plus, now he thinks we're all happy w/out him so he can just exit with no further guilt. Lovely.

Sorry, guess I'm having another pity party. Have to pull myself out stat.

I'm going to go to the Y this morning. Then run some errands. Maybe I'll treat myself to lunch I got a hair cut yesterday so I'm going to flaunt my goods a little in my now kind of loose fitted jeans an my new do.

Wish me luck.