I hear you. I do realize intellectually that witholding my feelings and POV is a bad thing for the R, its just hard to break through the emotional barriers (part FOO, part prior R). But I also know that doing so is what eventually set the stage for my A, and that is not a place I want to go back to.
Yah gotta do what yah gotta do. I'll keep saying that to myself as I dive in.
I will say that we had an interesting interplay tonight. I was rather bummed out because a fellow prof had bumped me from a grant proposal b/c of lack of funds. Frankly, I was thinking about backing out of it anyway b/c of lack of time, but it still had me bummed. I mentioned it to the W and she gave some flippant response, and I went into "she doesn't care about me" mode. But then the phone rang, and while I was distracted talking on the phone, she can up and pinched me on the a$$ ... hard ... and then ran off giggling and saying "I know you like that." Women ... they are evil.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
The idea of anger coming from my W not "seeing" me resonates very strongly with me. And the anger has been really strong over the last couple of weeks, to the point that I feel paralyzed by it. I am having a hard time "dropping it" or pulling back from it to analyze it. It really is affecting our R in a very negative way, because I have stopped doing positive interaction type things because my anger gets me into a major funk whenever I start. For example I often have the thought, "who does she think she is ignoring me and treating me like dirt, avoiding affection and even listening to what I have to say about even mundane topics? why should I even try to be nice to her when she is being so dismissive of me?" Not saying that position is defensible or logical, but that is the sort of thing that has kept me withdrawn for a while now.
I'd email her the above.
What I see you've got going with her is the whole Barter and Trade mindset, and I know you see it, too. (I do x, y, and z to express my love for you? What do you do?)
While it is an understandable question, you also are understand it is a cheeseless tunnel. What you stated above... is honest information about how you are feeling, that as your partner, she needs to know.
I don't hear in that statement above anything you think, feel or expect from her because you are feeling the way you are. It is simply honest. <-- That, I believe, is the way around the B&T discussions. FWIW.
Thanks for the advice. I'm formulating an email today. Don't worry, I'm not going to get into massive editing mode where everything has to be perfect (and sterile), but I do want it to say accurately how I feel.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Yeah, she has these flashes of impishness that I really love. The problem is that I miss them in the long interim period where she doesn't seem to care about us.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
