new here and really worried

[littlebitlost]

Cliffy:

A house is material, what you have in front of you is real love, should you both choose to own up to it.
How have you addressed the issues to make you happy and in turn attract him back

?

Let's see. I feel like I have done so much this last few months (6to be exact)
I left (true) but in leaving I figured out all the stuff I'm not sure would have been as clear to me had I stayed. I took it ALL for granted and I knew this and told him as much. I told him I needed to learn appreciation. He kept telling me to go, that he wanted me to be happy, to figure it out. I have never been independent. This scared the crap outta me. I learned to be independent. I learned to be oK with me on my own. I was afraid of everything and I mean everything. I have faced and dealt with alot of fears. Dibilatating fears. I was angry and frustrated and I did not know why. I am not angry anymore. I have faced accepted and dealt with alot of fears over the last 6 months. One of the biggest was being on my own.

I am in counselling, I am more physically active, I am taking better care of my health.

If I need to talk about something I do...I dont bottle it up anymore..I don't put up walls. I have rebuilt a relationship with my family (which broke down as my marriage did because they were always on his side-really shoulda listened to my mother) I will paste the letter mymother wrote to me not tooo long ago. She really is a smart woman.

I guess I just never imagined that we woud not be ok. He has changed so much and I know my actions elicited these behaviors. I think they were necessary and that they will allow him to be a happier person (does not allow people to walk all over him anymore etc) but the change is so drastic that I feel I need to get to know him again and I'm not sure I will be afforded that opportunity. Was all I did to 'find me' worth where I am now? I'm not sure, the journey isnt over. I guess I wish I had done it differently.

I love my husband and family with all my heart and soul and I pray everyday taht we will be oK> I think about christmas morning and the shared custody and I want to kiss them goodnite as they go to bed everyday.

Changes I have made also: think before I speak so that what I am saying is something i really mean

Wait a week before I follow through on drastic decisions...I may not feel the same way in 7 days as I do now.

Consider the consequences of my actions before I act.....

The list is huge. This has been a great personal growth period for me....a rude awakening and definitely my biggest life lesson yet! I hate and at the same time I am thankful for it because I will be a better perso for it and my potential as a wife, if ever given the opportunity, is great.

I guess thats just a start CLiffy