I have found a way to assuage my snooping tendency. Actually, I am not a snoop, but I am peeking at the Piecing Forum and it is not pretty at all! There are many difficulties associating with actually taking them back. Wow.
I thought that was what all of this is about! Trying to get past these stages of the affair takes us to the stages of Piecing and there is still no way to compete with an affair because a marriage is a much deeper and profound R than a mere affair which is all about fun. A marriage is work.
I should have just stayed in Sep Land.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I Know! I peeked at piecing too! OMG! No matter what, you have to start over. Starting with someone new would be easier--clean slate, no baggage. However, first you have to find someone new (will probably have to go through quite a few people). Then, there are the children. Blended families suck! That is why, if you can get there, I believe piecing is still worth it. Plus, no one said marriage was going to be easy.
Btw, I don't like those articles. They sound like a death sentence. I want to believe there is still hope. I'm in this for at least 6 months to try to turn this around. I have my kids. I'm not really looking for someone new. I've tried the stepfather for my kids thing. It was rotten. Now I have 3 kids from two dads. I'm not planning on bringing a third man in. I'm just not. So what do I have to lose? My H? I basically already have, so it doesn't hurt to do the best I can.
I know my H's OW is not young and naive. I don't know what her deal is, but I don't like her.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
K! Neph, Although I cannot see the Piecing happening for me at this point. The only way I truly belive there can be any Piecing is if we moved out of state. I actually read that on a different forum maybe, Marriage Builders. My mom says once a cheater always a cheater but I truly think my H just went plum loco temporarily and I do not belive he is a serial cheater like my Dad. But who knows? he is pretty addicted to his affair rightnow and it has given him confidence to go after more women.
So the first miracle that would have to occur would be for my H to clear from his MLC. The second miracle would be for his affair to die a natural death. The third miracle would be for me to actually regain trust and attraction and forgive, for him too. The last would be to deal with the chaos of our lives which have been completely entangled by how close our families and friends and neighbors are. This closeness has been wonderful for me but it has been alienating for him. No one is on his side but OW.
The Other Woman article stated something to the affect that she feels more important because she offers comfort to someone that no one else respects. great. As if the world hates a cheater and homewrecker except their own partner in crime.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
So the first miracle that would have to occur would be for my H to clear from his MLC. The second miracle would be for his affair to die a natural death. The third miracle would be for me to actually regain trust and attraction and forgive, for him too. The last would be to deal with the chaos of our lives which have been completely entangled by how close our families and friends and neighbors are.
Wow, I could have written this. The thing is, some days I feel this is going to happen and other days, I am like "No way, we aren't strong enough for this" (Both me or H). Do you feel like that, going back and forth?
Yes, lwb. I think we all do. I go back and forth. Some days I believe without a doubt we will get through this. Other times I feel like an idiot for trying. It goes with the territory, I guess. I believe it does take a miracle to get through this. I believe miracles do happen.
MK, I think my H would have to be willing to quit his job. When I first confronted him, he said he ended his "friendship" He was very bitter about it. I think he did try. He wasn't coming straight home from work, but he was coming home. I just couldn't trust him. He just gave up even trying. Anyway, I asked him to take a leave of absence (2 remaining weeks till his vacation), finish his credential work, and get another job. He said no way to all of it. I even suggested I go back to work at night so he could pursue his masters. No to that too.
Yes, it would take a handful of miracles to make things right. Sometimes I'm willing to try. Sometimes I just want to turn around and forget the whole thing.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
mk, its a tough row to hoe, isn't it, looking at all the miracles that would have to happen? just seems insurmountable at times. but who knows. time will tell, right?
how are your kids doing?
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
