Not trying to discredit her but just setting the story straight. Anybody have any questions< I am open to them here or through private message and I will not drag her through the mud. Let it be known that I do still love her as a part of my life but I had to walk away for many, many reasons.....
Take a good look in the mirror Homeplate. Will you see a an honorable man? Are you someone that you would want your kids to aspire to be? You have zero idea or comprehension of the legacy that is going to be left in the wake of your divorce. My divorce was quick and painful. I can live with that. What I can't live with and what I carry with me each waking moment is the emotional pain my daughter carries due to my X and I. You will reach a point in your life when your pride finally chokes you out. Your "big guns" are nothing more than a smoke screen for not knowing how to be a real man. I wish I could be there to say I told you so.
ok finally an update from Kali. H and I had a long overdue talk. We are still heading to divorce or legal seperation, still discussing. I am at ease with this choice. I know there was alot of disconnect in our marriage, and alot of wrong choices on both our parts and we both agree. I told my H that I have not given up 100% but that will go forth with what he chooses.
This all came out by my revelation that he has been snooping additionally on my after he figured out (via this board) that i was still snooping on him. So we both are in a no snooping agreement and have decided to finally be upfront and honest and I feel so much better for it.
I will still be here, and right now am no longer focusing on anyone buy myself and my kids.
I am going to counseling twice a week to deal with my own personal issues.
I did a really stupid thing a week ago that I am not proud of but feel I am safe to say it here. I attempted suicide and landed myself in the hospital for a few days. I did not want to really go, but just got to a place that I never want to go again. Between the counseling, the love of my family and friends, and my children I know that I will never go there again.
Thanks everyone for their well wishes and support and I am sorry for the delay in updating.
I'm sorry that things have happened the way they did. You should not feel alone in this. Since I've been on this board I have talked to a number of people who considered suicide. Please don't think that way. Life will be SO good again. It takes time and change. But you will be happy again. The future holds so many surprises for you. But you can only enjoy them if you are here. Give it time, and surround yourself with the people who love you.
I just felt the need to finally confess the truth to you all. That I believe was the 'big guns' my H had eluded to, or at least one of them?
I am not proud of it, and because of it, I realize how much I do have to live for, and that this is not the be all, end all that I thought it was.
I have been reading what Saffie said, and I know she understands the dark place you get yourself into.
I am out of it, and I am healing, and my H and I finally were able to talk about alot of things yesterday that we should have discussed a long time ago.
No, we will most likely not reconcile and although it is not what I would have liked, I see that things happen for reasons and am just trying to take day by day and learn what God wants me to get from all this.
15 years ago I had to call EMS to lift my friend, who was going thru a divorce, off the floor and carry her down a flight of stairs so I could take her to the hospital. She had overdosed on tylenol. Awful stuff! She kept saying the kids were better off without her. It was so sad. I'll never forget how broken she was.
But she was so wrong. Her life has turned around so much since then. Her kids have grown up and graduated high school and college, her daughter was a debutante in New York. She and her ex are great friends and travel together sometimes when it's a family trip. Her life is wonderful!
We never discuss that night because it was an aberration. It wasn't her, not who she really is. It was her being overtaken by depression. I am glad that I was there with her that night to get her to the hospital.
Don't let those thoughts overpower you. There is no truth to them. It is terrible that your husband left you and the kids. But don't make it bigger than it is. You will recover and go on and have a happier life than you did before.
Im glad that you responded. Everyone has dark moments, and that was a dark one for you. Im so sorry for that. The important thing is your getting help. Truly only surround yourself with people who love you.Of course we are here for you but only through mail.. keep those friends and family close by your side.
you will get through this and be a stronger person for it.
Blessings~
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Hope today is beter. I did a woman thing today I wanted to feel good so I went out and bought some new off road lights for my jeep. It has been strange around here. My W lost her job but she keeps telling me to go buy things. She used to be so worried about money. Me If I needed it I would just earn it somehow. I don't know if it is guilt or just a way to keep me from trying to be intamante.
go figure. Anyway Kali My offer stands If you ever need to talk to me or want me to talk to H let me know. I am no Dr phil but....
Your friend Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Kali- I am glad that things are getting better for you. You need to continue to focus on YOU... so no matter what happens, you will be strong and present for your kids!!!
