Yes F21 I do know now that there is a difference. I guess I feel that in order to "detach" I have to keep my distance , to a point. By not calling, dropping by, going out to talk to him when he is here, etc...
Tonight was a really bad night. H was here when I got home. Doing farm stuff. He left a bit to do stuff next door than back again in a huff. I went out and asked what was wrong. At first he wouldn't even acknowledge that I was there. Then when I asked what he was so pissed about he said nothing, just tired and grouchy. It was a bad conversation and I should have just let it alone and went back to the house.
I'm figuring that he talked to OW sometime this week and knows about me following her last Friday. Bad, Bad I know. Couldn't help myself. But she was across the street from my work today and I did nothing. I will do nothing from now on. Anyways who knows.
Everyone in H family is convinced that he isn't seeing her anymore. But they are guessing as we never even had hard proof of the A except for phone calls to her. I am not convinced. Almost was then this reaction tonight, not so sure.
God this is so hard. I know what I want out of life and that is my family. I just don't know if it's possible anymore. Most people don't have a clue what they want out of life, my H for one, I do completely but don't know if it's attainable. It really sucks!
As far as my goals, yes I am working on them. Baby steps, one hour at a time.
Time will tell...
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
