Forrest Gump and his box of choclates.

[Forrest Gump]

I have not at this point ever posted my stitch. There have been many reasons not to but I thought I should go ahead and do it. This will likely be a long story.

I have been married almost 14 years. I am 36 my wife is 32. You could say we had a shotgun marriage. My wife was 3 months pregnant with our daughter when we got married. I was a pathetic husband the first 1-2 years of my marriage. I was still in party mode. I eventually came around. I became a good husband and my wife was a great wife. We clicked.

Life was good. We decided to have another baby. Wife got pregnant and we started looking for a bigger nest. I was unhappy in my current position and found another job. Son was born and 3 months later I lost my new job. We had a new house, a new boat, a new car, and were living WAY beyond our means. Needless to say we got to the bottom of the barrel thru the little hole they drill at the bottom.

I finally found another job (after finding a bunch of crappy ones in between) Things seemed to be ok. (Well in my mind I want to think they are ok.. They really were not) I lost my job again. About 1 month into losing my job my wife said she needed to talk to me. She told me that she had become involved with OM on an EA level. I was crushed. I wanted out. Emotions colored every decision I was making. She would not tell me who it was. Turns out it was basically my best friend and someone I had "let" her hang out with. I eventually did the fast forgive (NFC what to do).

I found a half ass job and we moved foreward. I became more aware of my surroundings and became very "snoopy". I started recording our home telephone. Guess what I found. Guess what I did.

So we will fast foreward a bit here to 7/6/2007. I had become an angry, jealous, distant man. I had thought about leaving on so many occasions I cannot begin to count them.

Her friend was getting married on 7/7. We met up at the rehersal dinner and it was just another day. I went home right after dinner. We went to bed. 2:30am I get woken up by her cell vibrating away on the dresser. I get up check it and see something I really don't like. I plugged the phone back in and went downstairs to try and sleep. 7/7 she comes down about 7:30am. First words are " You are a dick what are you checking up on me now" I had no idea what to do.

Long story short we fought. I left the house to do some work. She went to get ready for wedding. Later that evening I started drinking. This was something I had started doing months before to cover the pain. Drinking started me down the path. I started checking up on her. Nedless to say I did not like what I saw and flipped out. I packed all her stuff up in a suitcase and threw it in the yard. I called her Mom and Dad and told them to expect their daughter tonight.

I have to stop here for a min and say I was not the model husband. I was drinking ALOT and was having a EA of my own over the phone. I was also having a EA with porn. I have realized that my Love Language is physical. 110% physical. I have known that for a while but never really understood what that meant.

So back to the story.. Eventually my wife decided that she had had enough. She dropped the bomb. I responded with counseling. She went, I went. She wanted a seperation. She mentioned it at least 100 times at the first counseling session. So I decided that I should do that. I went home to Mom and Dad. Well that worked about as well as lead turds. Displace a 12 year old and a 4 year old to grandmas house. I was back at home in 1 week. My wife wanted to walk out but could not. Pull the pockets out of some jeans you just put on, Drill a hole in the pocket and that is what WE had.

I hope you have some more time on your hands cause now it is gonna get really long.

Crying, Begging, DR/DB reading, Fighting, Alien Talk, Not DBing, Snooping, Reaching out to the wrong people, Unresonable Reasoning all ensued.

What follows is something I have needed to do.... Pay no attention!!

I got blamed for it all. I was the distant husband that forced her to find all the OM in her life. They could all line up in a line and it would go around the building. They all have felt the loss of someone they truly desired.

Ok now that we have that out of the way...

I will spell it out for you. My wife is very attractive. She could have any man. We go places together and people say "How did you end up with her?" I typically just smile and play it off. What people never know is that inside I am saying "Because I am THE MAN" In being "THE MAN" I have distanced myself from my wife. Being "THE MAN" is a physical conquest. If you have not gotten it yet my wife is not a physical person. She is gifts and acts. See what most people (Men and Women) don't get is that what you do may not DO IT for another person. Your spouce may be showing you the way and it does not make sense to you. Me not doing little things like... Take a box, paint it silver, glue some stuff to it, and write a nice letter, was the same thing as her rolling the other way when I touched her.

I will say this once again I once recently asked my wife "How many times have you said to me I need "X" or how many times have I said to you I need "X". My responce and her responce was NEVER. We both thought that SHE, HE should know "ME". I will go out on limb and say I have been married 14 years and NEVER knew my wife. My wife has been married 14 years and NEVER knew her husband. Hence we are here "TOGETHER" I will say I have NFC what to do. She has NFC what to do. We both have NFC what to do together.

We have our house up for sale. It is our saving grace. I have a good job now. She is still involved in what I consider a EA. I have tried to drop a bomb on her because I feel the end coming. I see lots of good things in my stitch. I actually need to pay more attention to them. The weird thing is I have stopped snooping yet I can tell when something is going on. Trust me I am an emotionl wreck at times. My wife has taken to telling me "How I Feel". I know me. I know what I need. I have now told my wife I need "X". I feel she is not listening at times. Fair enough. I did not listen for a long time.

What I will say is if you are reading I hope you are listening. I have left ALOT of filler out. I am just curious as to what people will say. Me being a physical guy there just isn't anything that someone can say to hurt me. You can't roll over when I touch you. Point the fingers, call me out, scare me away. Ask me anything I will answer.

When I respond to a stitch hopefully you will see where it comes from. I am not good at talking. I am not good at showing you the way. I respond to the high points. If you are talking (Posting) I am likely not paying attention to all of it. I am looking at the high points. I will put my "spin" on it. Please don't take offence to what I say or ask. I know alot of people will say I am desperate and needing approval but that is just not it. Just say it. Not because I need it. I want it. I want to understand your point of view. No fluff. No BS just say it. Ok here we go..... Submit.