Thanks so much, Heim, Nomo, and L! Yes, this is going to suck, Heim. I remember your description of your talk with the kids and it was gut-wrenching.
Funny you all talk about blame, and I hadn't even thought of it as blaming him. I was thinking I want them to know this is papa's choice (not me asking him to leave or anything), but I see what you're all saying. *They'll* blame him for wanting to leave. For them I guess there's no line between responsibility and blaming.
Nomo, I'd love to see what you wrote about your talk. And I appreciate the advice of telling them only when he's about to leave.
I was just folding his underwear and thinking, oh man, I can't believe it's come to this, and also thinking, yay! more closet space. I feel like I'm drunk or something (which wouldn't be unwelcome at the moment).
We're going out tomorrow night to talk about these things. About the financial stuff, I'm not sure exactly what he has in mind (does he want to discuss splitting finances?), so I think I'll ask first. I'm not prepared to talk about what kind of settlement I want. I'm also not sure he's talking D; I don't think he is, unless he's moved pretty far from his "I don't see any rush to dissolve the marriage" of a couple weeks ago. But if he's talking settlement, I guess I'll have to talk to a lawyer, and certainly before he and I discuss it.
You may recall he asked last week if I'd feel more comfortable with something in writing. I would, but my hesitation there stems from the fact that I'm not sure how far we could go without heading down the legal D path. We'll have to talk about that, too, I guess.
And NA, about whether or not I could share my feelings regarding something else instead of the R, that's a good point. I think talking about these things will bring up a lot, though I guess that's all mostly R stuff after all. I did try to talk to him about my dad (who's shuttling between hospital and nursing home, and, IMO, unlikely to emerge from one). He was supportive but not really emotionally involved there. I'll keep thinking about it.
It's weird---now that it's come to this, I feel like I'm pretty much ready (not prepared, though). I'm glad to have had this long (almost two months) to get there, and to be coming off a couple weeks away. I know he's completely done, and I think I've accepted that. I've always thought he'd never come back without leaving, and now I'm not even really holding out hope that he'll come back at all. It's a weird place to be (but I'm glad to have the company!).
Thanks again, everyone. If you have any more thoughts about the talk with the kids or the money angle---I have no idea what'll come up there---I'd be grateful to hear them.
And thanks for the support. I'm feeling generally like one very lucky woman.
