You've hit the nail on the head. He's actually said a lot of this stuff. And, on top of that, he's made huge strides to actually living as an adult...he started going to college this fall (!!!), is actually living on a budget, and is less interested in, say, partying weekly.
By contrast, I went straight through college, and am doing nicely in a career I enjoy. I think he always felt a little put off by that, despite what he says.
Oh, yeah, I know we're living this psuedo-married life. I must admit, I kind of like it. The space has helped clear my own head. I had wandered back down the crazy-making, jealousy, why-are-you-never-home path again before the divorce. Yuck.
I don't think I'd be willing to live with him for at least a couple of more years. And there's one big fat reason: he feels trapped and goes off into crazy-land when living with someone. (Not just me. Family members, roommates, whatever. He's told me he never really felt 'safe', and enjoys that about having his own space.) I also think there were too many triggers when we were living together, and they all blurred together, so he had a hard time figuring out that it was a trigger instead of horrible wifey that made him feel like running.
Case in point... He keeps the bed in the corner of the room. That allows one of us to lay on the "open" side, to prevent the baby from rolling/crawling out of bed without the other adult present because the wall's in the way. When we're both sleeping at his place, he has to have the "open" side--he can't sleep by the wall, or he'll feel trapped. One morning, I needed to get up, but there was a bunch of stuff piled just past the end of the bed, so I couldn't go that way. So, instead, I climbed over him to get off the bed. Normally this isn't a problem...for whatever reason, that day, he was set off. I watched him jump and tense up, but not wake up. I didn't think much of it at the time. Later, when I called him for something, he sounded really wound up. I asked him if he was okay. He said no, he felt really jumpy, and asked if I had touched him the night before. At first I said no, thinking he meant like trying to seduce him or something along those lines--then I remembered the climbing-out-of-bed. We were both amazed that that one thing had made him jittery all day. He even commented later that he thinks a lot of his anger may really have come from his being triggered without realizing it.
It's nice to hear other people have the same types of observations I've had. It's very validating. Thanks for stopping by.
I think he always felt a little put off by that, despite what he says.
