My life don't fit the book, please help.

[lester]

Thanks jeff and frank. I know I ramble and I'm actually feeling better talking to you all because friends don't get it.

I think (and could be wrong)that if I stay off R talks (which DB suggests) and focus on keeping everything together and myself (working out, GALing, building confidence) and nothing builds confidence like success, right? I need to detach because I have become dependent on her smile for my happiness (stupid, yes) but I've been detaching and trying to do it the right way by being calm and non-reactive only pro-active.

Maybe I can't undo superwuss overnight so I'll have to pretend until becomes who I am. What I mean by pretend is even if I'm not feeling confident to act with conviction of purpose as if I were and the feeling should follow (correct me if I'm wrong)

I wonder, though, the wisdom of bring up R talk again? I'm thinking of perhaps applying a calm confidence to when she asks questions like can I go golfing? To just say "No, you can't go golfing with him" to which she could revolt but knows where I stand. Point well made. At least for now I don't think a "big talk" is needed but living my life like a MAN.

Some positives that I have done:
- She always calls me up to our room after work. She talks about her day or not then turns to the TV. I say, I'm glad to hear your day went well. I'm going to go play with the kids (or something else). I spend time but leave before she can go cold.

- She criticizes me for how I dress S2. I say I dressed him appropriately but if you want to dress him tomorrow that's fine.

- After last night her coolness is gone. She apologized this morning for how hard this is on me (not what I was looking for cuz it doesn't admit guilt), however, it does show that her mood has shifted.