Plank removed from my eye, too late for WAW? 6

[Heimlich]

yes. have a list of therapists/councelers to go through.

Can't believe I snooped. I didn't even do that after she told me about the A last year.

BD

[oldtimer]

To be clear, the barest mention of Retrouvaille COUNTS AS PUSHING IT.

[savingus77]

Just as a side note about the therapist thing. I would think from her perspective you are not even serious about changing, learing from your mistakes if you were not going to therapy. I know that for my sitch - the fact that I have been going to therapy since week 2 of the bomb has been one of the strongest positives I can show my H that I am making every effort I can to do with my actions and not with my words. I am still not sure where things are with us, but they have been feeling like they are progressing to a more positive path and I KNOW that therapy has been a big part of it. Let alone for the PMA it gives me, but him knowing that I am going I think helps him realize that I am not the same old me.

[Nugget]

saving, that is a very good point. There are several of us here that are dealing with lack of trust, confidence and respect from our wives and they do not think we are sincere about the changes we are making or at the very least they are skeptical. Us going to a IC on our own may be a great way to show them how serious and sincere we really are. I have been holding off from looking for a C until I could get my W to go also. But, that just may be the way. Who knows? It is well worth the try anyway, wost case scenario a C can help my with my issues. LOL

[Heimlich]

Was just about the write about the same post, Nugget. My brother from another mother

I'll drop you a quick line later. Have the girls this week and some work I need to do tonight, so time is somewhat tight.

BD

[still trying]

I've started IC and have been pleased so far. Really, I do have a lot of issues to work out and can't go on with my life like it has been, it's time to deal with them all regardless of what happens with the M. I don't expect it to change anything for my W, but I do expect it to change a lot for me and that's what I need to do right now. On the plus side, my W has taken an interest in what I'm going through in therapy and the issues I am facing. I'm happy to talk about it, really learning to be vulnerable is part of being emotionally available to her and I'm willing to share these parts of me with her. Not to try and influence her, just to have someone to talk to about all I'm going through. I would have thought it would be weird to do that, but so far it hasn't been... I guess since I'm going for me, not for her or our M, it leaves me feeling pretty open to talk about it.

[Heimlich]

yeah, I probably -- probably, I have -- a number of issues that I need to unpack and deal with as well. Stuff that I keep just stuffing down, but never deal with. Suppose that it's time to do so.

BD

[sunshine74]

Heim

What Ot said before...isn't this enough for you...I mean how much can one person take from someone that is suppose to love them...I don't get it either OT....

Start loving yourself Heim now before you lose anymore precious time...

Sunshine74

[Heimlich]

Sunshine,
From my W's perspective, it's over. She's been adamant about that since April. I'm trying to change that via DBing. that's why I've said that, in her mind, what she's doing probably isn't cheating.

How much is enough for me? I don't know. Obviously not this, eh?

I've got some warts I'd like to remove, but I'm not a toad. All in all, when I look in the mirror, I'm generally OK with the face staring back at me.

BD

[stewart10]

Hey Heim:

I have been paying attention, but have not had much to add. You have been getting some good advice lately. Just one thing you said struck me.

I've got some warts I'd like to remove, but I'm not a toad. All in all, when I look in the mirror, I'm generally OK with the face staring back at me.

I think this explains most of the people on this board. Most of us realize that we all have had something to do with the breakdown in our marriages or relationships. But, we are still here willing and able to change those things that have done the damage. The difference between us and the WA's is that we are still here trying to make this work. And we can look in the mirror and see what our contributions to the breakdowns are, but more often than not, the WA's just try to blame everything on us. You should be happy with what you see in the mirror. You are an outstanding father, you are an outstanding husband-no matter what W says you are here tying to work on M- you are doing everything within your power to make the R work. You have nothing to be ashamed of. And who doesn't have a wart or two. I know I do.


Stew