Delia, that was an amazing post, I am amazed of how intelligibly you describe what's going on in the mind of WAS. You can explain things so well, that it is enlightening to me and even though I am reading about this a lot every day, it is good to hear it spelled out so accurately by you. Anyone reading this should take your advice.
I can see what you're saying. It's just so hard to put into practice. People who she's told about our break up are coming to me saying that she is telling them we should have been over a year ago, and that trouble started 4 years ago (I swear it isn't true, though I believe she believes it). She's saying that she "twisted the rules a bit" to be with the OP, but regrets nothing. She's even joking about it!! In anyone's experience, has your spouse spoken about you and your relationship like this to others? How bad is this that she's saying things like this? Or is this a part of the script too. Has anyone's spouse come back after having said these kinds of things?
"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage." -- Robert Anderson
Not to nag, but does anyone have insight on my post immediately above? Isn't the fact that she's left cruel enough? After not quite 4 weeks gone she feels it necessary to say stuff like that? I keep looking at her and wondering who she is.
"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage." -- Robert Anderson
Help! See two posts up! I'm trying to detach, but it would help to if the joking and the telling people that stuff is normal, or if there's really something wrong with her!!
"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage." -- Robert Anderson
Im sorry for your pain, and no joking about the situation is just plan mean. You need to detach detach detach.. go out even if its to the book store, you need to make yourself unavailable to her.
she isn't in her right mind, and maybe she acting this way out of guilt because she doesn't know how to act.
Im sorry.
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Thanks Tal. I think the draw about the OP is unavailability, so I guess I'll have to be the same way. Every wasted day seems to bring us further away from each other. All she cares about is finding time to spend with the OP.
"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage." -- Robert Anderson
Despite having blocked the e-card notifications from being delivered to our old joint address, one came through last night from my partner to the OP for the OP's b-day today. I couldn't help looking, then wished I hadn't. I quote: "Dear OP: I made a promise to you almost a month ago and I am grateful to say I was able to deliver. You are truly special and have managed to capture me, heart and soul. Thank you for renewing my faith. Love, (my partner), XOXOXO". I'm still shaking. I know I keep asking stupid questions, but what does this mean? The promise she made to the OP occurred the same day she left our home to go to the OP's home. Is this all part of the infatuation thing? They have been "together" 4 weeks. Is this typical behaviour for someone who has cheated and left? She seems to really have fallen for this person. But 4 weeks? What kind of person promises someone something whenn they've left their partner just moments before? And what type of person puts any store in such a promise? And renewed her faith? My working like a maniac for our relationship and for her business showed her no faith? When does the lightbulb go on for her? I have blocked the notifications once more, so hopefully no more will filter through, because I can't help myself but to read them. But to read what she said is killing my soul. Again, how much store should I put in this, and how many of you have seen the same things said and had your spouse have a change of heart? I know I have to get on with me and my life, but if I knew all was not lost, maybe I could be stronger. Unless all hope is lost.
"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage." -- Robert Anderson
"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage." -- Robert Anderson
Everyone's been so helpful on here and I want to try to help others as well. I am sorry you are going through this also. I can only imagine how painful it was to read that letter. I would have to agree that only after 4 weeks it is probably part of infatuation. I'm not just saying this but yes someone I know was in that situation where their spouse hardly knew this person and was literally a few days from taking off and leaving everything behind and said similiar things as the letter you found, and they luckily did have a change of heart and didn't leave. So please don't give up hope. I pray everyday for my situation too. Sometimes you don't want to get too hopeful because you are afraid of disappointment. But I am willing to fight for my family until the day I die. So to answer your question, I don't think it's hopeless for you and never give up. Your family is worth it and God willing as long as we are all alive, there is always a chance.
