No I wasn't snooping, she used a common email address instead of her own. I don't think she remembered to change it when she ordered them. I'm here because I don't know what to do. It hurts knowing she bought something like that for some other guy
Firstly - you are assuming she bought them for him. Sometimes we ladies do like to buy ourselves nice undies for us!!!!!
It's a bit like the makeup and getting dressed up thing - we do do it for ourselves sometimes - actually, most times. I can understand that one would assume it is for him but it may equally be for her. Maybe she just wants to feel sexy - doesn't mean she is going any further. Maybe someone at her work is being bought a present by a few girls - there are just so many maybe's.
GISH - look, I tried to end it when my H told me about his A. I was stupid enough to do it AND my kids were around. I nearly got sectioned - I could have lost my children. It nearly killed my parents - I don't know if yours are still alive but if they aren't then think about how you would feel if your son did that?
You have not been on the meds long enough for them to kick in yet.
Do you want to talk? Do you want my email or phone no?
I do feel for you. I have been there. It doesn't help hurting yourself - it won't make your W change what she is doing - honestly. It will drive her further away. My H came back to me emotionally not because I hurt myself but because he saw what I could be again. I managed to get strong and show him the woman he married. The hurting and self harm pushed him away.
Do you want to talk more?
I can be around for a couple of hours now. My H has gone out and the kids are occupied. Please keep typing.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
SAFFIE, Thank you very much to be willing to help someone you don't know. I wish I could talk to someone who knows this hell I'm going through. When and if your invite to talk is still available let me know. I love my wife so badly and pray every night for a miracle. Thanks again
Going, Do not dodge my question. I will ask for the third time.
Have you read or do you plan to read the Divorce Busting or Divorce Remedy books?
We all understand what you are going through. Each person that has posted to you has walked in your shoes. Are you ready to stop wallowing in self pitty? I have been on this board a long time. Witnessed a lot of pain. I am going to paste in a post from the Lost Dutchman. No current posters will remember him but I do. This guy had every right to talk the way you do.
Quote:
My apologies, sorry I have not posted in sometime...my health has declining over the past 7 weeks...extremely tired, more pain and a complete loss and interest in food...Basically I am living on pain meds and fell I am just living on borrowed time.
Chemo is completed and I am in a holding pattern right now....I have an appointment in 3 weeks to determine where I stand in recovery...I know and feel the answer to this question already
I was “seeing” the nurse...but I ended-up pushing her away from me. I am not interested in getting “close” to anyone and I don't want to hurt anyone ...she is turn says that I am being completely selfish and feeling sorry for myself. I said whatever and that I don't need or want anyone and she was free to leave...she did and I have not heard from her in over 2 weeks..oh well, thanks for the memories...that really is what life is, just a bunch of memories right?...good ones and bad ones...
No response ever from my X on the letter I sent to her atty months back regarding my sitch and no visitation or contact with the children. In 1 week will mark one year since I have seen or talked to the them...seems everytime I try to get visitation or contact with them I catch some form of anger or outlash from the X..So I don't expect to see them ever again. I just don't have the strength or the resources to fight this battle any longer, I am behind on CS/Spousal support and the X has filed contempt charges against me and 2 weeks ago obtained a warrant for my arrest. I called the state and basically explained the sitch, they don' t care, it's all about the $$ so my hands are tied and I can't do anything to change this. I am in debt over 200K, my life insurance lapsed last year when I was going through the D and now is impossible to get when you have cancer, making money when you are sick is difficult and I have liquidated everything to just pay medical insurance and bills. So this just helps to dig my grave and adds to my crappy PMA.
If the cancer is showing no signs of remission or improvement, I don't plan to stay in this world any longer then I really need to. So if the upcoming status is negative I will end-up doing what I need to do in given time-In Oregon, assisted suicide is legal...death with dignity...one doc has already given me what I need when that time comes for me...selfish sure, but I am not going to live like this and become a complete vegetable in my final days-it's about quality, not quanity... My relatives will be here for the Christams Holiday,if I can make it till then, might be the ideal time...
I am not scared to die, nor am I scared to go to hell....life on this earth has been hell...so the physical change in venue won't make a damn bit of difference to me now or later...
The temporary hospice that my friends have set me up is comfortable, but somehow is depressing. I would have preferred to be surronded by my two kids right now...as Mick Jagger said, “...you can't always get what you want...if you try sometime...you get what you need”...I have this, so I am extremely thankful for what I do have.
I want to thank each one of you for your prayers and all of your support during this time, you have taught me so much. I hope that your lives are filled with love and much happiness as you all truly deserve.
A friend of mine has loaned me a laptop and my old hotmail account another_dutchman@hotmail.com has been reactivated, so if you like you can reach me here. As you can understand, I can't give out my number out cause I am a wanted man now....
Love to all-
Lost Dutchman
That was his final post over 6 years ago. Am I trying to minimize your pain? Ask the Dutchman.
As I am up but away from my home for the nect few hours I an giving you my cell no. Remember it is a UK no. so I think you need to put +44 in front and knock off the first 0
07799591499
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Would really appreciate you dropping in on my thread. Sorry I don't know how to link. It's called 'Saffie's sandbox - extension 5'
Look forward to hearing from you.
GISH do drop into my thread and the others I post with to - we spend a lot of time being a bit silly trying to cheer one another up but we do actually discuss some serious stuff. Please feel free to drop in.
You are not alone and we are all fighting our own demons as best we can.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I didn't know about this place when I crashed and burned. I couldn't learn from the very wise people on here because I didn't know it existed. Please, if you are able, listen to others that have been where you are.
I don't understand the relevance of Single Again posting Dutchman's last post to you - only because I don't think you are ready to learn from it. Single wants to help you. If you look at the time he has been registered, and the number of posts he makes, he obviously discriminates about who he posts to. You are lucky that he is posting to you - I just don't know how receptive you are to his advice at the moment.
When he asks you about have you read Divorde Remedy and Divorce Busting - he is not being critical, in my humble opinion. If you know if someone has read certain things you can direct them to areas that you think will be relevant or discuss things with them you know they have read about.
Your details are sketchy. Not much background on you. I know I tell the world and his wife about me but we do need to know a bit to get a feel for you.
I am very worried about you. Your sitch is nowhere near as black as you are obviously feeling based on what you have posted. Standing on the outside looking in it is easier to see that.
Do you know how to navigate these boards? Do you know the personal message thing doesn't work? I'm sorry if what I am asking appears trivial but I am not sure at what level you are functioning. When I was as down as you I could hardly use a can opener!!!
Firstly look at those things you can control. No.1 on top of that list is you and your Positive Mental Attitude. Small things make a big difference on this. Break your day down into chunks you can deal with. Don't always look at the big picture. Breathe. Put on some loud cheerful music. Nothing about love and relationships. I love Billie Holiday. I would listen to her and then would wonder why I was depressed - duh. I know things like that are obvious but I couldn't see it at the time.
Think about nice things like your son - how great he is etc - when you feel yourself sliding into dark thoughts ; do something that takes your mind off things completely, ( I do SUDOKU. A fiendish needs all my concentration and stops my head spinning) Get some exercise - it's good for your mind, body and soul.
Tell me about your usual daily routine. It's good to post these things publicly so that other people can chip in with good advice and suggestions but if you don't feel comfortable with that email me.
Please let me know you are ok.
I think that's enough for you to digest for now.
(((((HUGS))))))))
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
What you need more than anything right now is patience. Yes, she has found some new heart-throb and whether it is just kissing or if it is more, you need to let it run it's course.
The good thing is that about 80% of these affairs just burn themselves out in 6 months or so. There are 2 kinds of love, the hot bright flame, like when paper catches fire, that burns with great intensity and fast, and a slow smoldering fire.
Affairs are the first kind of white, hot love. They catch fire suddenly, and they spend themselves fairly quickly too. Then there is married love, which burns slowly, sometimes the embers seem to be out. But if you stir the fire, you can see there are still some hot coals. That is how your love is.
You need to wait it out. The new love will burn brightly for a while, but then reality will set in, and it won't be so perfect. Over time, if you are taking care of yourself, exercising, keeping a happy disposition, you will start to look better to her. then you can look for a turn around. It takes a long time. That's why you have to stop focusing on her, and instead work on making yourself the best person you can be.
Come here and talk to us. We'll give you advice. I can't guarantee it will all be great advice. But we care, and we'll try to help you.
