My life don't fit the book, please help.

[lester]

Ok, so what? I told her this is not working. You say to stand up and be counted, right? Well wtf does that mean? Give her 48 hours to turn around or she's out the door? If you're telling me I should be giving an ultimatum then make that clear. But belittling me based on a post on a bulletin board helps no one. Be clear here in what you want me to do. You only see one side based on what I said and how I felt when I wrote it.

See, when she says they're friends - I disagree, with tact, but disagree. When she wants me to do this or do that, I do it if I want to help her but not because I need her. I'm hurting. Yes! screwed up some opportunities sure. I'm trying to DB as best I understand the principles so all you saints can go on telling me how you just got your woman to do what you wanted but I don't buy it.

I should have outright said no. But, she would have outright done it. I did tell her outright no last night so we'll see who's right I guess. I mean seriously you're right I'm not 100% assertive right now and probably not nearly as alpha male as some of you. Okay fine whatever. I'm at a low point now and my confidence is down, doesn't mean it won't be back up. Really that's key and reading tons of articles and stuff all just hint at that. So, I'm going to GAL some more so I can bring that to the table.

What makes you all feel good about kicking someone when they're down? I mean what's that about? I'm not flipping stupid. I know it boils down to that one word - confidence. When I have these talks in my head I'm cool, calm and collected. Clint Eastwood would be jealous. When I look in her eyes and see her hurt and even anger well let's just say the conversation comes out like posted above. You all may not see it but I've come a long way and hopefully the new meds will help take some of the edge off (yes, I've become depressed).

I'm glad you all have your lifes in order and everythings great. Congrats welcome to the board where everyone's so together and with it.

Actually, a week ago I was feeling very much confident and yes, she responded. Then I got a little depressed (frank I think you've been here) and confidence slipped. I'm back on an uptick and plan on keeping it. It's not that I don't hear what you're saying. I'm trying to break old habits of not being assertive enough, confident enough; raise two kids on my own (no, wife hasn't lifted a finger in six months -- her depression); and try to save my family and marriage.

Anyways, take this rambling for what it is. But please don't pretend to be better than me and post on this board. If we all didn't have problems we WOULD NOT be here.

Now, undoubtedly some will respond, "lester, I didn't mean it as a personal attack but a wake up call." My response is: "Yes, I know you didn't but I'm stretched to my breaking point here. Not excusing it just saying I'm trying to keep EVERYTHING together and going from doing half the work to all of it is taking a HUGE toll on me. well reply if you want.