I look back on my sitch and don't remember my W offering to help or just come to me in a positive way to express how much our M and family meant to her. Instead she just gets more and more angry and resentful then decides to drop the bomb when there is someone else showing interest in her. When I asked my W why she didn't talk to me she said, "because I don't like conflict". WHAT!!! She would rather cash in her chips and convince herself that our M is not worth the effort and find OM to replace me!!
"because I don't like conflict" REALLY means "Because I am not mature enough or confident that my ideas are valuable" Marky, she has to actually STAND UP to a man when she talks to you about things in the past. Look at her history. Look at her model for a marriage - her parents. Her mother doesn't talk to her father about things, she just quietly keeps supporting the family.
Your W is not capable of being in a marriage where there are any 'for worse' times. She's a 'take care of me' type. Not a whole person.
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All these WAS get a free pass because they can justify their actions by pointing blame. It is a load of garbage that one person can make a decision that effects many others for a lifetime.
uh, no - they do not get a FREE PASS. If that's what you think then you're mistaken. People on the board and other places have learned to UNDERSTAND what is going on, and to REALIZE that going balls out and kicking the WAW's A$$ will do nothing to get you closer to your goals.
You don't CONDONE anything that is happening, you just don't FIGHT over it. You draw BOUNDARIES and 'Deal Breakers' but stop the conflict.
Think about how you would deal with a difficult client that you NEED to keep as a client. You'd stop them from abusing your charity, but you'd also be tactful and non combative.
NO FREE PASS.
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How dare my W say "we both wanted out of this marriage, I was the only one to say the words". Since when does she get to speak for me!!! She bails out and says that I wanted out also so she can have her fantasy life with her piece of garbage OM.
Why do you believe anything she says? You totally understand why she says these crazy things: "so she can have her fantasy life with her piece of garbage OM." DUH!
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Great lives we end up with!! We all here are trying to make things work and our WAS just go about there lives and don't care about the family just looking to be sure their "emotional needs" are met. So they find adultery to be the solution. So what if children only live with one parent. As long as their "emotional needs" are being met they won't bail out and commit adultery!!
THat's because they are damaged souls.
Your goal is to make sure that she feels the consequences of her actions. She loses YOU also. She doesn't get access to a blank check. Go find out what she is LEGALLY entitled to and set up a separation agreement now.
