I actually just responded to your rant before wandering over here.
No, questions are fine. It helps me to get other perspectives. Maybe point out things I already know. Just be warned...I can type a lot!
Okay, typical night last night: (Minus sex. That usually happens.) He calls me to chit-chat while he's driving home from an appointment at work. (He's a personal trainer.) We have agreed I am staying at his place for the night, to give him more time to unpack at the new place. I am in the process of putting the baby to sleep; he wants to know what we're eating. He talks about picking up a new wine to try at the grocery store, and wants my advice on the layout of the living room. (Figures out he forgot his wallet, gets home later. Baby has a cold or is otherwise fussy, so I wind up staying in bed with him instead of getting up to hang out like usual.) Once xh comes to bed, he either asks for or I just decided to start rubbing his legs, can't remember. We talk about how cute the baby is. He says he wants another--would I have another kid with him? I say sure, why not. We laugh....maybe in a couple of years. I start rubbing his other leg--get sleepy, almost lay on him. He points out that's not a good idea, doesn't want to confuse me. (lol) He also says he's going to restrain himself tonight, doesn't want to lead me on. He tells me loves me, and doesn't want to hurt me that way again. I tell him I love him, too. (It's actually been quite sometime since we've said that.)
Did I mention I actually have a key to his apartment? He also has one to mine.
He started opening up more because he wanted to. There were some things I did to facilitate it, though. I don't push. If he's bothered, I ask if he's okay, but drop it if he doesn't want to talk. (This opens the door for communication when he's ready.) I have worked a lot on my listening/validation skills. I try to be as objective as possible--which he respects. We sometimes discuss who he is interested in. These topics don't really upset me anymore. It tends to come in waves. Sometimes he'll talk, sometimes he won't. And we try to take turns.
And yes, I do still love him. Very much. Figured that was obvious. :p
Well, he has a ton of unresolved childhood issues. Along the lines of years of abuse. Lots of really crazy things. We both think that living with someone was a huge trigger for him in the past--he just didn't feel safe at all. I suspect that's why he was always running. These are some of the things we talk about, and I realize the level of problems he is dealing with take years to resolve. It's also the reason why I can't hate him, although I do get incredibly pissed at his behavior.
I'm reticent to even suggest 'dating' to him. Mostly because all the yelling and (most) of the anger has subsided. I think the path we are on currently will have the best outcome, whatever that is.
