Mini-cooper? now thats one heck of a MLC-mobile! I believe my W is looking for an Altima coupe. What difference does it make? 2 years ago, the sliding door of the minivans was a must-have. Now she hardly cares about how comfortable the kids are going to be in a 2-seater.

You are absolutely right. Its up to us if we want to live in the past and wallow in our pity or if we want to create the peace and happiness for ourselves instead. At the beginning of the sitch I was curious about what factors in the past led us to this position. I think its clinical and therapeutic to admit to your mistakes in the R, but you cannot expect your S to change and admit to their faults, especially if they are in MLC. You have to give yourself enough time to heal, put the past behind you and move forward with the life journey. I have really enjoyed the book "Mars and Venus: Starting Over" by John Gray, I am listening to the book on tape right now and it has helped to get over the emotions. I am at a point where I am at peace with myself, I feel detached from my W quite a bit and I am ready to remember my W for all the happy momemnts we shared together. \:\)

I do have one issue where I am in struggle with my inner self. This is about how to handle my ILs. I have had a good relationship with them throughout my M. They have been married for 49 years, live in a different part of the country and they are planning on their bi-annual visit here soon. But as you can imagine with the "blood being thicker than mud" in these type of sitchs, they have not condoned my W for her wayward behavior. I didn't expect them to, but what I did expect was to have them show some sympathy for what I am going through. All along they have been picking me apart for all the small things in the past that could have resulted in my W's behavior pattern. They are also referring to my W's multiple affairs in the last 2 years as a 'marriage problem', while I have rolled up my sleeves to work on our M after forgiving her. This is quite disturbing to me and a blow to my self-esteem beyond what I am already experiencing with my W. And add the fact that I am still of the opinion that my W's MLC behavior is attributed to my FIL's emotional detachment from my W during formative years, when he was so busy being away from home to build his business!

Long story short, I am struggling on whether to mainatin or cut off the friendly relationship I have with my ILs. I do not want to jeopardize my 2 DD's relationship with their grandparents by any means. But I am not getting clear direction from my subconscious on whether to go along or stand up against any people who supports my W's infidelity and adultery. Its a toughy, but hopefully I can get some advice here.