Hi, The last time I posted I was really about at my wit's end. I was ready to kick him out. Everyone says if he seem willing to do counseling, I should pursue that. This is sort of a rhetorical question .... and more for me to dump the frustration I'm feeling but why can't I tell my H what I really think? It is so hard to keep it all in. It makes me so resentful. On one hand, I would feel so much better, on the other, I know it would make no difference probably. What would he think? Would it make him really think? Would he just not hear me because he can't (because of his addiction to this affair?
This is just some of what I would like to say to him:
H -- I have been knowingly living with this other person in our lives for over 3 months now. You say you aren't sleeping with her anymore, but how do I know that for sure? You won't be transparent. You hide your cell phones. You confiscate the credit card statement when it comes in the mail. You get angry when I don't believe you, but why should I believe you? What are you giving me? Your word? You have got to be kidding!! You lied to me for a year, then continued to lie to me and now you just expect me to believe you, to trust you?
You go off during the weekend and are gone for hours at a time. Alone you say. Or at a friends house. You never mention her. I'm sure if I asked you would deny she was there, too. You ended up going to the Renaissance Festival last weekend -- a trip we usually do as a family -- alone, you say. That is not something you do alone. It's something you do with other people. Come on, I am not that naive! How can you think I'm such a stupid idiot?! And now you have plans to go a party on Saturday. You won't "invite" me. You say "I can't see you having a good time." What the hell? How would you know? Oh wait, you just don't want me to go because she will be there. You deny it but again, how naive do you think I am?
But yet you spend time with me. We talk and enjoy each other's company. We talk about our problems without getting too angry and I feel like we make headway. You seem willing to go to IC or MC. But I can't see us going anywhere with this OW in your life? Can you not understand that she is just an addiction for you? How can you be willing to risk everything we have built, a solid relationship with your daughter, a wonderful home and equity, a wife with a solid career, decent financial freedom --- to be with this low class woman? HOW?
She is a bad mother. She abandons her kids. Drinks too much. Convicted of DUI. Is a former coc addict and has had at least 2 other lovers before you. How can you stoop so low? You think you want to live with her? What the hell is wrong with you? I know you love me. I know you don't want your family broken up. Why can't you see the utter foolishness of this?
But yet want your cake and you want to eat it, too. Unfortunately that does not work for me. Your ambivalance is making me so angry, so resentful. And the more there is to resent, the more difficult it is to overcome. Why can you not see that you're still inflicting damage ... to me and to us? How can you be so blind? So selfish? WHY CAN'T YOU WAKE UP!
Perhaps you will when it's over. But probably not until I say get out and you realize I am not going to put up with this SH$$ any more. If I kick you out, will you come to your senses? If you no longer have your home to come home to, your kitchen to cook in, your daughter to love or a family to have dinner with, your bed to sleep in, etc., what will you do?
OK-- I could go on and on and on. This is just a bit of what I would like to say to my H.
Why, oh why, oh why, can't I?? I just want to kick him off the fence before I lose my sanity.
