Thanks for updating your situation; the parallels are remarkable, even down to the new car. Now, if your wife gets a Mini-Cooper it really will be scary how similar our situations are.
Seriously, I'm glad to hear you are doing so well. You are doing right by your kids, and working on the only thing you have control over--yourself.
I share your skepticism about MC. I've read too many places that a lot of them don't help, that often what happens is you air your pain with your spouse and you end up hating each other more. You just have a clearer idea of why you don't like each other! I like Michele's "solution" based approach. Focus on creating something new, something better, rather than the "analysis paralysis" that can easily come from living too much in the past. Live this moment instead--who are you right now? Who is she right now? Of course we can't and shouldn't forget the past, but we must not live in it. Somedays I worry that my wife is that type of person, and that if we attempt to create a new, better marriage she won't get past the hurt I've caused in the past. She has long been someone who carries past grudges and hurts as a source of power, or attempted power. But, maybe she is someone new too.
I've really come to accept that I can only work on myself, and right now I'm at peace. I still want to work things out with the wife, but until she says "I want a divorce" or "I want to try to create a new marriage," I'm just not going to worry. I'm making new friends, doing my reading, traveling, working. I'm focused on finding joy and meaning in each day, and recognzing that if I want joy I have to create it myself. Off to see my brother and his wife for the weekend, so I'll check back next week. Have fun yourself, and take care.
