All hope is lost/help

[cat03]

Hi, the waiting game is awful, I know you must feel sick most of the time. Your H might be still deciding what to do. During our S my H went back and forth between coming back and staying away (he told me that later). Perhaps you can approach the subject very carefully, and ask him how he is doing, and that you appreciate all the help he's been giving lately, how things have been rather difficult between you two lately but that you want him to know that you'll stand by him and your M. Something like that perhaps,I suggest is that you do not corner him if you do decide to bring up this subject.

Things are the same on my end, H still goes to T, still home with us, but other than that still his distant self with me as far as affection, still sleeps in spare room, so I have to gather he isn't ready at all to connect with me. It's been rather hard to see improvements, the one I see is that when he have an argument he does try to control himself and calls me sweety, I'm counting that up as a plus sign on our road to improvement. Also, he calls back after we argue and we both try to move on and not have our usual argument about the argument.
No R talks, he's still working with T on himself and I gather he still has a ways to go, he's still piecing himself together.

What pulls me out of bed in the morning is God and my 2 smiling children. I would be in very bad shape if I didnt' hold on to Him, there are times when things are too much for me and I tell God that I can't take it anymore and ask him to take the burden for me, and I feel much much better. My H stopped going to church before he left on 2005, I firmly believe that's when things started getting worse, he lost his faith and then did stuff he would've never even done before.
I still go to church every saturday, it is my lifeline.

Sometimes we must go to through trials by fire to finally pay attention to God, I will bring this wonderful book i'm reading tomorrow and will post some good stuff I read, about suffering and how to cope with it with God's help.

When my H left back then, my prayers were nothing but crying chants of "please help me, i'm hurting so much" over and over again. From there, God granted serenity as the weeks, months went by. I found myself waking up and decide to smile and thank God for having him and my 2 children and my family and friends and a job... and be happy with my many blessings.

Hope you are feeling better today hon, here goes another cliche: take it one day at a time, for tomorrow will bring its own sorrows. Live this day for you and claim every day.