How do you NOT cry when your wife of 22 years tells you that to your face? I felt numb and like I was hit by a truck. She dropped my son off this morning and then called me to ask me how I was? How do you answer that? She's asked me a few times how I'm feeling? Do I tell her I haven't slept? Do I tell her I am devistated? Or do I lie and say everything is ok? And why would she care how I'm feeling?
I understand you want your wife to know how you feel and that you want her. If she asks questions you don't want her to think you are OK with what she is doing to you. We have all felt like that. It's just that by being so needy you don't help yourself - you intensify your hurt and it will make her feel even more guilty and drive her away.
Are you reading other people's threads? There are some interesting discussions on acting like a man rather than a doormat - on how women react better to strong men. I think it might give you another perspective on things to read these threads.
Yes you are going to hurt. We all do. This is the place to let it out. Falling apart in front of her won't bring her back - or if it does it won't be for the right reason, (pity), and so she will just leave again later. You have to work through this so that when you do get back together it is in a working, healthy, partnership.
At the moment everything looks bleak and you are focusing on the negatives. Look at the positives. You are still communicating, (altho personally I would stop that for a while). OM is obviously not committed - why the heck couldn't he help your wife move at the weekend? She will soon get fed up of him if he leaves her struggling - especially if you don't make it easier for him and her by stepping in and helping her when he's not available. Currently you appear to be facilitating the R between W and OM by helping your W. Back away from her. If you find her questions difficult to answer and you cannot act 'as if' then don't take her calls. When you do take them limit conversations to necessary things such as child arrangements - not feelings.
BY keeping in such close contact with your W and being at her beck and call you stop her seeing what life would be like without you. She cannot appreciate how much she would miss you. What she needs is time by herself, with a bit of OM's bad attitude thrown in, without you to prop her back up. If you let her she will run to you for comfort when she doesn't get it from OM, and then straight back to OM when he clicks his fingers. The fact that OM can be bastards can be very attractive to some women. If that's what this guy is like and your W is attracted to him then that should tell you something - you are being way too nice perhaps. Go dark to your wife. Do not pick up after her. Find Theoden or Frank_D on these boards and ask them for advice.
How old is your son? Do you have any other children? Focus on making yourself a strong person, a good father. Work on the things you can control - your W isn't one of them. You can work on you.
((((HUGS))))))
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Saffie thank you so much. My wife is only 2 miles away and my son is going back and forth between houses. I have to take her calls because of the daily routines/activities of our son(9yrs old)I can't NOT answer the phone because of that. I just want to know how do I answer her question, when she says "How are you doing?" "Are you ok?" As a side note, this other guy is finishing up his own divorce and my wife said he is having a meltdown and is an azz sometimes but says that's because he's going through alot of stuff. Not sure why she is so attracted to him.
Thanks for turning up here - I was going to go searching for your thread after yesterday but now GISH can just link through on your name.
GISH - read this guy's thread. You will learn loads. Click thro' it onto Frank_D and possibly Theoden is on there too.
Tell her she has to stop asking those questions. She is trying to assauge her guilt and in trying to do that is hurting you. Tell her that you will survive - because you will!!!- and so she must stop asking. You are happy to talk about things relating to son and anything else is just not necessary at the moment.
OmMsounds great material - what a fcukwit!! - let her find out for herself - DO NOT SUPPORT HER OR OFFER HELP, other than that that will help your son. Control yourself. Make yourself into what you want to be. Have faith in you and , (I have the biggest problem with this about myself), LIKE yourself.
You will be ok. Just keep breathing and ignore any emotional talk with your W.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Just a thought here, but, how about a written schedule re your son which you and W stick to as much as possible. This would avoid too much contact with wife and give you son a regular schedule which will give your son some comfort aswell.
Try and communicate through text message - it stops too much being said - who can be bothered to enter into much dialogue by text - it takes way too long. That way you can answer when you want aswell.
Just an idea.
saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Saffie, I'm driving myself insane. Just received an email for an order my wife placed for bra/panties. I looked them out to see what they look like. They are extremely sexy and I know she got them for the other guy. She still only admits to an emotional affair but my gut tells me it's already beyond that. In fact she said after telling me last night she loves him, she said there was more but didn't want to hurt me further. Can a wife truly every want to come back if she is truly in love with another man. I'm back to just wanting to die (I'm seeing a doctor and I have meds)
Are you snooping or do you share a common email? So what if she bought sexy stuff. I suppose big Granny panties would not solicit the same reaction from you. Why are you here Going?
