Chrome, when NOP and I were hammering out issues, we used email. Many of our conversations were about as fruitful (as in didn't reach an resolution) as your example. The topics might have been different, but the emotional buttons were alike.
The marvelous thing about email (if it is something you can utilize) is that it removes your fear of saying the "wrong" thing or responding in anger or the convo screeching to a halt because you're speechless at her interpretation. It allows you to say what you're trying to say without fear of an emotional outburst or verbal freezing from yourself and it allows you to hear what she has to say without getting all twisted up because your wife is crying. It gives you *time* to think and frees you from having to think on your feet during an emotional conversation.
Maybe it would help to start with more of a meta-discussion (as opposed to specific, real-life situations? Do I recall correctly that you and your wife have read His Needs Her Needs or that Love Languages book? If so, what was her opinion of spouses having different interests and needs?
