I don't get commuication. Not on any thing about M/R. I don't bring it up either. That just equals pressure (so I've been told and I'm listening to the wise ones that came before me), and pressure is BAD. On the one hand having them gone would probably be easier on us, but in the long run harder on the M. I called a DB coach a few times and that was one nugget of wisdom she had for me.
With regards to your needs, I've started taking care of my own. Nothing I can do about feeling lonely and missing even a simple touch, but I connect with friends and our D's. Sometimes he'll chat and joke with me some. It's nice.
I know you want answers. Me too. We just don't get them now.
You asked what I do to DB. Mostly, I work on me and at the moment this includes a "real" job. I walk (helps clear the mind) and exercise, I do things around the house that I'd like to have done. I go out some. Sometimes with a friend sometimes alone. I persue my own intrests and do things with our D's. As far as my interactions with him, I'm pleasant and considerate. If he was willing to talk I would LISTEN. I don't ask for his help with things b/c 1. I probably won't get it or 2. if I don't need it right this second he'll forget.He's gotten so forgetfull and I can't tell if it's across the board or not. I have invited him out a couple of times and alot of times he'll come. Last week I invited him to a class some friends were teaching (line dance) and he came, but he didn't dance with me at all. He only danced with friend once. The hurt cut to the bone and I said nothing. I didn't pout or act hurt either (yes, very hard). I pretended we were just "friends" and that friend was having an off day. The primary difference is I would try to talk t oa friend about how they felt and I don't go there with him.
I know this sounds insane and like I'm burying stuff (like anger). What I attempt do with the anger is take it out physically (when I can). Having said that though, if there is something very specific that has upset me (esp bad behavior or being rude) I'll address as calmly as I can right then. I don't always wait for a response either. I say what I have to and leave the room. This works really good for compliments too. You could say something like "Hey handsome" or "You look good today" as you're walking through a room. I don't stare deeply into his eyes and say anything (not b/c I don't want to). It doesn't require anything from them, but it allows to to say nice things even thank them for something they did.
