Now I've done it... again

[nephartiti]

I don't know why, but last night and this morning I had this incredible urge to go track my H down once and for all. I want that last little bit of proof of who his with and where he is.

I was about to walk out the door after my last post and go stake out the school. I guess I'm coming to my senses because I am back at the computer instead.

I just hate that he is still lying like I'm the crazy one making all this stuff up while he "takes" care of himself. At one point, weeks ago, he said to me "I know that you will be ok and that the kids will be ok. I have to make sure I am going to be ok." Translation: I am happy F-ing this whore right now and you guys don't really matter. You'll have to get over it." Barf!

I guess, in some ways, I do better when I don't hear from him. When I talk to him or see him it's just a reminder and I find myself back at the beginning with my feelings. I'm feeling pretty crappy today knowing that he is still there and that all the phone calls yesterday were around her schedule, for the most part. How annoying. In a few months she has become such high priority. I don't think he was ever obsessed with me like that. I guess that's the difference between a normal R and an A.

I still want to go. I could still make it on time...

NO NO NO NO NO

.....?

OK, stop it now!