This also posted under "Newcomers"

[saffie]

I understand you want your wife to know how you feel and that you want her. If she asks questions you don't want her to think you are OK with what she is doing to you. We have all felt like that. It's just that by being so needy you don't help yourself - you intensify your hurt and it will make her feel even more guilty and drive her away.

Are you reading other people's threads? There are some interesting discussions on acting like a man rather than a doormat - on how women react better to strong men. I think it might give you another perspective on things to read these threads.

Yes you are going to hurt. We all do. This is the place to let it out. Falling apart in front of her won't bring her back - or if it does it won't be for the right reason, (pity), and so she will just leave again later. You have to work through this so that when you do get back together it is in a working, healthy, partnership.

At the moment everything looks bleak and you are focusing on the negatives. Look at the positives. You are still communicating, (altho personally I would stop that for a while). OM is obviously not committed - why the heck couldn't he help your wife move at the weekend? She will soon get fed up of him if he leaves her struggling - especially if you don't make it easier for him and her by stepping in and helping her when he's not available. Currently you appear to be facilitating the R between W and OM by helping your W. Back away from her. If you find her questions difficult to answer and you cannot act 'as if' then don't take her calls. When you do take them limit conversations to necessary things such as child arrangements - not feelings.

BY keeping in such close contact with your W and being at her beck and call you stop her seeing what life would be like without you. She cannot appreciate how much she would miss you. What she needs is time by herself, with a bit of OM's bad attitude thrown in, without you to prop her back up. If you let her she will run to you for comfort when she doesn't get it from OM, and then straight back to OM when he clicks his fingers. The fact that OM can be bastards can be very attractive to some women. If that's what this guy is like and your W is attracted to him then that should tell you something - you are being way too nice perhaps. Go dark to your wife. Do not pick up after her. Find Theoden or Frank_D on these boards and ask them for advice.

How old is your son? Do you have any other children? Focus on making yourself a strong person, a good father. Work on the things you can control - your W isn't one of them. You can work on you.

((((HUGS))))))

Saffie