Lissie - try not to read anything into the MC comments, and try not to anslyse him - it will destroy you just thinking and trying to figure it all through. Go with the flow, keep DBing, do the 180s, live life for YOU and your children, be happy, and H will either come round and realise what he is about to lose or he'll lose it - either way, you WILL be stronger, you WILL come through this, and you WILL be happy again. I've posted 3 times tonite, but find myself saying the same thing - time is our friend in all this. Be patient.
Me - 39 W - 33 M - 5yrs Bomb - 8/5 2007 Moving out - 9/8 2007
Thanx Psch - I have to laugh at myself since I give this same information to everyone else yet I can not follow it myself. I have done better this week at not trying to figure him out and I am attempting to go with the flow. It is hard for me since I am always analyzing things and trying to figure them out. I need to buy a couple more Soduko books and just do that instead
Ok I am headed out for the weekend. I told him last night we were heading out today and that is when he tells me he is not going to be around this weekend either. So he has gone the past 3 weekends without seeing our S. I do not know how he does it. I guess it is just easier for him to keep busy or something. Anyway my S and I are going camping again so that should be a blast. I think it will be our last trip of the year which is sad but then again there are many more years to come.
I know I said I would not analyze him but last night when he left he said he would take out the a/c for me this week and change the oil in my car. I have not asked him to do either of these things for me he just knows they need to be done and said he would. Is that a good sign him wanting to do things for me again like he used to? How do I act about him doing these things. Do I just casually thank him or what? I do not know how to act around him at all when I see him so any advise is great. Thank you
It's probably not what you want to hear but I'm not sure his offer to do these things for you means much of anything. He could have a fix-it personality and would do these things for anyone he cared about, friends, family, whomever. If he's really going out of his way for you to do it, then yes I think it's something. but if not, then maybe it's not anything. Again, keep the focus on you, take it off of him. You're not his counselor, you don't need to figure him out. Good luck, hope you're having a great weekend.
Thanx Bryan - I have to agree with you the more I thought about it this weekend I think he was just trying to be nice and doing it like he would for whomever. I am also wondering if the reason he seems to be nicer this past week is that he has made a decision and it is not the one I want to hear and he is just dreading telling me. For some reason I seem to always have the most negative thoughts on Sundays. Probably because this was sort of a family day for us.
Anyway I am done trying to read him. Yeah right but I am trying. I hope that counts for something.
Alright here is an update of what has been happening. My S and I went away for the weekend but before we left H offered to change the oil in my car this week. Something he has known that I needed done for about a month but he is offering now. When he told me he would do it he then added "If you have not already had it done" and said it with an attitude like he was kind of expecting me to have had it done and was mad about it.
Yesterday when I got home he was there to work on a vehicle in his garage. It was just like a normal home night for us. He had some friends over and was working in the garage and our S and I were outside playing and then we went inside and did our normal nightly routine. He came in when he was done and said he was leaving to go take a nap since he works 3rd shift.
Anyway this morning we did the swap of our S and he did not want to go with him. He never does but this morning was really bad. Well why I was calming down our S and getting him to go a friend of my H's came over and was talking to him and I heard him refer to our house as his HOME. He said it two times. I know I said I was going to stop trying to figure him out but I was just wondering do you think it is good that he still thinks of our house as home. I know it may mean nothing but I was just wondering if that could mean something. He has been different the past week but I am not really sure about anything and it is getting so tough to just keep being patient. I am not a patient person.
Again, I'm not sure it means much of anything. If you guys have lived there a while, and in light of the fact that his family is still there, it might make sense to him to call it home. If goes out and has drinks with friends, he might say "I have to get home" refering to wherever it is he's staying. It doesn't really mean anything.
On the other hand, if you're having a hard time finding the motivation to keep going, I would suggest that you take whatever he does that seems like a good sign, as a good sign and leave it at that. If you think his comments about home represent a change in his thinking, then don't worry what we think, believe it. Your most important asset right now is your PMA, with that you can accomplish anything you want. Do whatever you need to to nuture it.
So he has decided not to go to Florida with our S and me next week. I can not say I am really surprised. I posted it on the newcomers board if you want to see about that.
So right now I am not sure what is going on again. I am still DB'ing and being everything I have to be to hold myself together. However tonight when we swap our S I am afraid he may try to talk and I really do not think I can right now since he is not going with us. I am more upset than I thought I would be and I really knew deep down he was not going to go but it still is like a fresh wound.
Advise on what to do tonight when we swap. I plan on trying to make it quick and say we have plans and take S to the library and get out of Dodge fast.
I think your plan is good, to have plans where you need to get out of dodge. in fact, if its helpful, maybe you could even do the switch at the library? would that work? then you have automatic distraction at your fingertips, and you are somewhere public where conversation isn't exactly encouraged.
good luck. Its hard and its hurtful, but stay strong. you will get thru this. try to act as if. get excited (or fake it) about all the fun you will have in florida.
Last edited by morgan; 09/27/0712:43 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Sounds like a good plan to me, run with it. If you don't think he's going to buy the have to go the library excuse, you could have another one waiting (friends waiting on us, I don't feel good, whatever) just in case.
One word of caution cause this happened to me: I've had to do this same thing many times with W and it took me a while to figure out that I had to be nice about it. First couple of times, she came back and said I sounded like I was pissed off or something. Not what I was going for, not what you want. Be pleasant, mention that you wish you had time to talk but that you really cannot right now. Try to project real regret at not being able to talk. It really makes a difference.
Me: 32 in OH Wife: 29 in MD Married: 4 years No kids Seperated 14 months
